It's Christmas season, which means it's time to think about what gifts to give the loved ones in your life. Maybe you know someone for whom it's nigh-impossible to give a gift because they have everything they need or want that you can afford.
I will make this prediction about this person: they probably cannot play basketball while pooping. And that's where you come in. Not literally — don't — please leave the bathroom door closed at all times. Let's be clear about that.
Anyway, our dear friend Mike tweeted this picture from his local Bed Bath & Beyond, and you will never be able to unsee it. So we're sharing it.
for when ya phone battery dead and you aint got a book/magazine handy pic.twitter.com/bmBcNxVTeP— mike taddow (@taddmike) November 27, 2017
We have a lot to talk about here, so let's go through this, point by point.
- 1. Potty Basketball. A concept so amazing, so elegant, you can't believe the world ever existed without it. Beautiful. While everyone else is spending their toilet time reading tweets, you're here getting those shots in. That's the competitive edge, right there. Potty Basketball.
- 2. 10 bucks is not bad.
- 3. I feel so sorry for this dude, who CLEARLY and NOT PROFESSIONALLY had his grinning visage pasted onto someone who's on the john. Look, there are hundreds of faces you'll make from the throne, and that is never, ever one of them. Also, as RossWB has pointed out, there's a nonzero chance that's Matt Campbell. Congratulations on the new extension at ISU, Matty. You'll never have to see your face on a pooping guy ever again.
- 4. This person is sitting sideways on a toilet. That's not a thing. That's absolutely not a thing. Try it once — you won't do it twice. He also appears to be shrugging, which is basically the only possible response for when someone asks you, why are you using the toilet sideways?
- 5. WHERE ARE MY MAN'S DRAWERS???!!!!! I'm not playing here! Either he's wearing them on the toilet (no no no no no) or he's going commando, which is COMPLETELY incompatible with this situation. I'm furious.
- 6. There's a mat that goes with this, which, sure. They've got the key backwards here — that makes it seem like the toilet is the basket, and I'll be damned if I'm spending $10 to throw plastic basketballs in my own toilet. If you're going hard in this paint, invest in some Dulcolax.
- 7. A DO NOT DISTURB SIGN. There's one acceptable thing this sign (not pictured) can say, and that is "Do not come in, I am playing with myself in the bathroom." What? IT'S TRUE.
- 8. Ball holder.
- 9. Everything is unorthodox here, from the one-handed scoop shot from our athletically challenged friend to the triple motion line (!) to the arc going under/THROUGH the rim (???). Has whoever's responsible for this ever watched basketball before? I guess it's not worth asking, given that the product is literally called "Potty Basketball."
- 10. This backboard should not say SLAM DUNK. We don't want to encourage anybody to leap off the commode and deliver a thunderous jam. It defeats the purpose of your visit to the bathroom to begin with.
- 11. I'm going to be absolutely furious if nobody buys me Potty Basketball for Christmas.