[EDITOR'S NOTE: Mark spent most of this week traveling the mid-Mississippi Valley in a small rental car with a whiny transmission, listening to AM news radio. We think it may have had an effect on him.]
Illinois at Iowa
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Iowa 31, Illinois 20.
Michigan State at Michigan
"We go now to the phones. Jim in Ann Arbor, you're on SpartanTalkBack with Mark Dantonio, hello."
"Jim. Jim, turn down your radio."
"Hello, Jim, you're on SpartanTalk Back."
"... am I on?"
"Yes, Jim, you're on."
"Right now. You're on the radio right now, Jim, what's your question?"
"H ... how are you guys?"
"That's your question, Jim?"
"N ... no. My question is for Coach Dantonio. Is he there?"
"I'm here ... Jim. Not Jim H., is it?"
"N ... no. My question for you, Coach?"
"Is your refrigerator running? BABABOOEY!"
Michigan 34, Michigan State 21.
Wisconsin at Nebraska
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Wisconsin 44, Nebraska 28.
Penn State at Northwestern
Been a while since you had a good laugh? Looking for some good clean fun for the whole family? Tired of huge crowds?
[wacky music starts to play]
You need to come check out "Northwestern's Defense Tries to Stop Saquon Barkley" this Saturday at Ryan Field! Get your ticket FREE with a purchase of any medium Orange Julius at participating Chicagoland DQ Grill & Chills! Come see flummoxed linebackers, defensive ends brought to an untimely end, the unsafe safeties, and more! Plus stick around for a free preview of the offensive production, "Nothing Persa-nal." You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll get in the wrong lane trying to get to the stadium and wind up in Lake Forest! Don't. Miss. This!
Penn State 38, Northwestern 24.
Maryland at Ohio State
Alright. Here's the deal. I'm not saying there's a conspiracy to try to keep the Terrapins down, but all these quarterback injuries, all these injuries, they just ... I don't know. I just. Don't. Know.
I don't think they're a coincidence. I don't think they're a happy accident. Or an unfortunate accident. Whatever you wanna call them.
I just ... isn't it strange that after the Terrapins beat Texas, and that's a blue-blood program right there, you know it is, they start losing quarterbacks? I mean, it was one thing a few seasons ago when they lost Danny O'Brien to Wisconsin, you just know the mainstream liberal media was behind that, Madison is such a liberal city, you know it's actually against the law to stay in the city more than 90 minutes if you've gone to church in the past year, right? No, I think something is happening to those Maryland quarterbacks. I don't know who's behind it, but isn't it just a bit strange that we haven't heard from George Soros in a while?
Ohio State 48, Maryland 20.
Minnesota at Purdue
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Purdue 28, Minnesota 23.