The Hyball: Stop Giving Jordan Bohannon Parking Tickets

By Bobby Loesch on January 21, 2021 at 12:00 pm
J-Bo Tickets
© Joseph Cress/Iowa City Press-Citizen via Imagn Content Services, LLC
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The Hyball is a weekly Iowa men's basketball column

I remember my first University of Iowa parking ticket.

Nah, that's not true -- got a million and they all blend together.

As I've said before (but haven't yet elaborated on), I lived on the west side all four years while attending the University of Iowa. That meant a lot of Cambus, a lot of walking, and a lot of driving. Unfortunately, as our star PG learned this week, the ticket givers swarm IC motorists.

Cannot and will not stop.

That was earlier this week, so enough for the No Context College Basketball section maybe... but then things got even realer.

Honestly, it's kinda like they're targeting him.

Surely, hate has been the cause of many wars, no?

Still more.

Even got biblical.

Then got a hashtag.

And it concluded in the only way things can eventually end on Twitter.

We should be paying this man over and under the table, not literally taking money he already has. Good grief.

It got me thinking -- other than these ticket givers, who else is this good at their jobs?

Some contenders:

  • Hibachi chefs
  • Fancy concert musicians
  • Dave Chappelle
  • Exotic dancers
  • Pilots? Maybe?

The point is these people elite. And we, seemingly, have no recourse.

The Hyball

"Sweet can be had anywhere."

Last Week

1/14 - Michigan St. at No. 5 Iowa (Postponed): Was bummed then and am even more bummed now thinking of how little I probably did with that Thursday night.

1/17 - No. 5 Iowa 96, Northwestern 73: Somewhat regretted saying Northwestern wasn't an interesting watch as soon as the game tipped off. Pete Nance alone...

This Week

1/21 - Indiana at Iowa (4): First time watching the Hoosiers this year. Very excited for Trayce Jackson-Davis. He's No. 4 in scoring in the conference (right below Marcus Carr but above Ron Harper, Jr.). Assuming Wieskamp checks him?

If anyone can.

1/24 - Nebraska at Iowa (4): Postponed. Get well, GBR. Also totally forgot Hoiberg's kid played for Izzo.

Caitlin Corner

Also decided to go more biographical this week by checking where she is originally from. The answer? West Des Moines. Knew, like, one guy from that area from my time in IC and associate it with being affluent. Fair?

Also went back to the well...

Anyone got the wingspan deets? Wingspan seems good.

/googles wingspan deets

OK, she's 5'10'', but there is legit no wingspan information available. I even combed through an ND Nation (/vomit) message board post.

We must find out Caitlin Clark's wingspan. I pulled up some names in the athletic department and emailed three; will keep everyone posted.

"Is Brad Davison A Senior"

Brad Davison shares a birthday (April 22) with my idol Machine Gun Kelly. Finding this out felt like a real "good can only because of evil" lesson.

Speaking of MGK, he released a 49 minute movie this week called Downfalls High. Here is the trailer -- it looks atrocious.

Watching every second of this once Sober January ends.

The Ballad Of Ricky-Bobby

Each week, we check in with professional basketball writer Ricky O'Donnell for a quick exchange

Asked Ricky for his thoughts on TJD:

Loved Trayce last year and it's mostly still love this year. He's upped his usage a bunch and has seen only a small dip in his scoring efficiency. I had him as a first rounder in my preseason 2021 mock, but it is a little hard for me to see how he translates to the league without a three ball. Still hasn't attempted one in his college career. He's also 68% FT shooter for the second year in a row, so that is a little disappointing.

He's been objectively great as a college player though and has carried Indiana on his back the whole season. He's currently No. 3 on KenPom's POY standings. Should be a fun matchup with Luka.

The three point shooting stat! That's some Ben Simmons shit right there.

Obligatory Michigan Section

I'll be the first to admit there was nowhere to go but down after extinguishing Brad Davison (no ragretz at all). Still, Michigan took a bad L against Minnesota... before kicking the shit out of Maryland (again). Real Even Steven kinda week. More and more people seem to be circling the Iowa game as a "holy shit, this is gonna rule"-type event. I've gone out of my way to not look up when it is and also not research if they play once or twice; it'll be surprises galore for your boy.

The Mini-Hybrid

Uggggggggggggggggggggh, this fuckin' guy.

Weirdly less and less mad at this fuckin' guy lately.

Kick Me

I consider myself a very open-minded person, but is it fair to say New Balance will never make cool basketball shoes? Like, these ones are totally fine and even somewhat cool -- yet, they're not at all cool (and can never be).

Also, we had four confirmed Nikes at the Inauguration on Wednesday.

&

Always had this vision of trying to pull of J's in a formal setting, but it's... a really tough look to execute.

Jason J's

This is about as close as one can get... still iffy. Also: RIP, them as a couple. :(

Bill Walton's Western Civilization 
No Context College Basketball
Wrapping It Up...

"Wanna hear a joke about a parking ticket?"

"No."

"Fine."

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

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