The Hyball: Could You Register A Stat In An NBA Game?

By Bobby Loesch on December 16, 2021 at 12:00 pm
"Gimme Dat, Tony!"
© Michael Ciaglo-USA TODAY Sports

The Hyball is a weekly Iowa men's basketball column

I was aware of the Tony Snell thing before this week.

But then he did it again:

For those unfamiliar:

The first one, of course, fascinates me the most. How do you log 28 minutes on an NBA court without putting up a single stat?

And yes, many fans' first instinct is "I could've at least put up a stat in one column."

I'm... not so sure.

But it doesn't mean it's not worth talking about. Conceding points, blocks, and rebounds for all eternity, it has to come down to assists or steals. In my opinion, in a life or death situation, I think steals are the way to go. Shade off your defender (lol, like he hasn't already blown by you) and try to hawk a deflection from someone on your team who can, yanno, actually defend.

I reached out to my buddy who coached a state championship team in HS basketball for some additional perspective.

I think the volume of steals in comparison to rebounds or assists makes it more likely that you could try for those, but would be more likely to cash in on another stat. 

(The average player is) not going to get a blocked shot. Points are going to be really hard to come by if someone is guarding them at all. They might be able to sneak free in a scramble or fast break to hit a jumper, but the odds are not good. 
They can box out to some extent, but anything around the rim is going to be grabbed by guys who are a full foot taller (with verticals that amplify that disparity).

Maybe run after every long rebound? Hope to complete a pass to a teammate for an assist? 

Yes -- dimes. Selflessness was always the key.

Also can I be on the Milwaukee Bucks please.

The Hyball

"Don't spend a lot of time imagining the worst-case scenario. It rarely goes down as you imagine it will, and if by some fluke it does, you will have lived it twice."

Last Week

12/9 - No. 17 Iowa State 73, Iowa 53: My favorite stat of this game: nearly halfway through the second half, Keegan Murray was shooting 0% and Brockington was shooting 100%.

Really should've known this one was headed to a dark place the second J-Bo realized he had to go back after thanking ISU for the memz. 

J-Bo: "I ain't a killer, but don't push me."

Despite my Grand Canyon-sized hole of negativity around the football program, I like to think I'm basically the opposite with hoops. But this one... this one was a little tough to spin. Sure, everything kinda went wrong in a hostile environment...

...but we can... learn?

Not at all opposed to leaning on this for the time being:

All I know is this is one of the funniest things to happen in a while:

Congrats on the W, 'Clones. We got a very contrite, likable J-Bo after this one:

This Week

12/18 - Iowa vs. Utah State: Yayyyy, waiting nine full days after the ISU loss for this game. This one is at the Pentagon, which I'm sure give us all great memories.

12/21 - SE Louisiana at Iowa: Couple get right games.

Caitlin Corner

Maybe we should call it Steph Corner this week.

Brad Davison Is Definitively A Senior.

Not in the mood to research our man this week, so let's just make fun of Purdue after I clearly put the stink on 'em last week.

Obligatory Michigan Section

Speaking of not in the mood to discuss something -- woof. Michigan lost at home by double digits* to Minnesota as 13.5 point favorites.

(* - 10 points still counts as double digits; let me be dramatic pleeeeease)

The Mini-Hybrid

Talking shit until next year when it stops for ten more years.

* * *

Happy trails, Tyler Goodson.

Feel like I liked him slightly more than the average Iowa fan; I'm such a sucker for speed. A very enjoyable career.

* * *

Really undecided on shit like this.

Love the theater, but it's also hard not to think about the assistant coaches who literally (presumably) flew across the country to visit you. I dunno. Maybe it's just time for all parties involved to lean into the WWE, glass crashing era of recruiting. 

* * *

Really decided on shit like this.

If Dabo believes it, I believe the opposite. It's like watching someone sink in comedy quicksand.

* * *

this this this this this

* * *

F yeah.

Bill Walton's Western Civilization 

He just seems so pleasant.

No Context College Basketball
Wrapping It Up...

Dare to dream.

No, Like, Really Wrapping It Up...


While normal people are doing the HAHAHAHAHAHAHA thing, and believe me, we've been there, I'm mostly focused on the last line of daughter Gigi's rant.

It's not over. Keep watching.

Makes me shiver. It's true that finding a second act in America is never an easy task. Unless you're Urban Meyer. Then you get, like, sixteen acts and all the money. So while the NFL might not have been the spot, I'm sure he'll be grabbing ass and skipping class in a college town near you very, very soon.

But we'll always have the memories.

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at]

View 39 Comments