Frost/Nixon: 2017-2020

By ClassyHawkeye on November 26, 2020 at 1:00p

The year is 2040 and Scott Frost is in his 23rd season as head coach of Nebraska. The Cornhuskers are in the midst of a 26 game losing streak to Iowa. Mr. Frost has agreed to sit down to an interview with former Iowa Hawkeye defensive-end Daviyon Nixon, now an esteemed reporter for the Washington Post, to discuss, among other things, Frost’s early tenure in Lincoln.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner.

Nixon: Take me back to 2017.

Frost:   I won a Natty.

Nixon:  No, that was 1997.

Frost:   Nuh-uh, we went 13-0

Nixon: At Central Florida.

Frost:  Our athletic director said so.

Nixon: You played in something called the AAC.

Frost:  It’s a reputable league!

Nixon: It folded in 2025 after you joined.

Frost: They said we devalued it or something.

Nixon: And you dispute this?

Frost:  Well I don’t have the numbers in front of me-

Nixon: (Reading) - The AAC lost $50 Million on something called the Cornhusker Network?

Frost:  I still think it was a good idea! “THE ‘98 ORANGE BOWL, EVERY HOUR, ON THE HOUR.” National Champs, Baby!

Nixon: You only won half of it.

Frost: Yeah, well... you can’t say that about this fella.

Frost flashes UCF’s fake 2014 National Champions Ring. He’s been wearing it the whole time.

Nixon: You finished #6 that year.

Frost: Says who?

Nixon: The entire college football world.

(Pause.)

Frost: You better get us now.

Nixon: Who?

Frost: Central Florida.

Nixon: You haven’t coached them in 24 years.

Frost: (to nobody) You better get us now. . .

(Pause.)

Nixon: So, you took the Nebraska job.

Frost: Yeah, Mike Reilly was a disaster. I saved the program.

Nixon: He went 19-19 in three years.

Frost: Like I said, disaster.

Nixon: You went 10-22 in that same time-frame.

(An uncomfortable pause. Frost fake sneezes into his hand and a ring falls to the floor.)

Frost: Oh, excuse me, I dropped something.

(Frost can’t find the ring. He gets on his hands and knees searching for it, reaching under a couch but he can’t retrieve it.)

Nixon: What did you drop?

Frost: My 1997 National Championship Ring. The Osbornes are gonna kill me.

Nixon: Leave it, the janitor will take care of it later with the rest of the garbage.

Frost: Whatever, I still have my 2014 bling.

Nixon: Again, you finished sixth in the-

Frost (putting his fingers in his ears) -La-la-la-la! I can’t hear you!

Nixon: Mr. Frost, please. I know you coach at Nebraska but when you’re around civilized people, show some class.

Frost: Class? What’s class?

Nixon: Moving on. The 2018 game. You lost 31-28 in Iowa City.

Frost: We had a good team that year.

Nixon: You went 4-8.

Frost: A few hundred more bounces went our way and we could easily have been 5-7.

Nixon: Miguel Recinos hit a 41-yarder to beat you.

Frost: He did.

Nixon: What were your thoughts as the Hawkeyes celebrated on the field?

Frost: At first I had to confirm 31 was larger than 28. After a lengthy discussion with my coaching staff, we couldn’t definitively decide so we just decided to go with it. I still have my doubts though.

Nixon: Mr. Frost, 31 is larger than 28.

Frost: We’ll see what Tom Osborne’s hologram says about that.

Nixon: 2019, The Keith Duncan Game

Frost: Uh, uh, the Blackshirts Game.

Nixon: Blackshirts?

Frost: They were back, baby!

Nixon: But Iowa gashed you on the ground.

Frost: THE

Nixon: You allowed 225 rushing yards. . .

Frost BLACKSHIRTS

Nixon: . . .Tyler Goodson ran for 116. . .

Frost: WERE

Nixon: . . .And the Hawkeyes averaged 7.3 yards per carry. . .

Frost: BACK!

Nixon: And then Keith Duncan hit a field goal, blew kisses and embarrassed you on your home field.

Frost: Right.

Nixon: Did this bother you?

Frost: I thought it was kind of sweet actually.

Nixon: I’m pretty sure he was mocking you.

Frost: I invited him to come out to Pizza Ranch with our team after the game, but he said he had to get home and wash the stink of Memorial Stadium off of himself. All I have to say is Duncan better get us now.

Nixon: He graduated from Iowa 19 years ago.

Frost: (to himself) He better get us now. . .

Nixon: Mr. Frost, focus. The 2020 game.

Frost: We were nipped by Illinois the week before.

Nixon: You lost 41-23 . . .to Lovie Smith. . .at home.

Frost: Hey, that was a quality ball-club.

Nixon: They won two games that year.

Frost: Still, Luke McCaffrey—we had found our quarterback.

Nixon: He was sacked 15 times in Iowa City the next week. I sacked him seven times myself.

Frost: He still regrouped to win the Eastern Lincoln Athletic Club’s Ron Kellogg III Husker Player of the Year Award.

Nixon: I had four interceptions that day. I Euro-Stepped 45 yards to the end-zone. . .twice.

Frost: Yeah, but our effort was there.

Nixon: You lost 77-0

Frost: It was a rough week of practice, that’s all. . .still, we had found our field-general.

Nixon: You went 1-7 that year.

Frost: And we would’ve been 2-6 if Wisconsin didn’t chicken out with that virus crap. Now enough of the chit-chat, when do we start recording?

Nixon: We’ve been recording this whole time.

Frost:  Crap.

Nixon: Would you like me to stop?

Frost: That’s OK, let the rest of the conference see what I have to say. Like I said, people better get us now.

(Frost stands up and goes to leave.)

Nixon: Mr. Frost we still have 20 more years to cover.

Frost: (to himself) People better get us now.

(Frost exits.)

Nixon: (to himself): I guess the next 20 years are just more of the same anyway.

Nixon looks out the window and sees Frost talking to himself and wandering towards a cornfield. He continues to repeat “people better get us now” to himself as he disappears into the stalks. Nixon looks off into the distance, dumbfounded, as the lights fade.