THE HYBRID: WHO TOLD NEBRASKA ABOUT THE INTERNET?

By Bobby Loesch on September 21, 2017 at 2:00 pm
It Was You, Wasn't It?!
Jaime Valdez-USA TODAY Sports
23 Comments

The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate

Ready? Break!

Oh man.

The Hybrid

"An asshole is not a brilliant visionary just because a toilet has a bottomless appetite for what comes out of it."

Thursday

Temple at South Florida (21): Mikey had a touchdown taken away as USF blew out Illinois, so I kinda resent USF for no reason.

Friday Night Lights

Virginia at Boise State: Legendary.

Always said I wanted to go to Boise to see the blue turf, but this might replace that as the top draw.

Utah (23) at Arizona: The Chocolate Milk Title Belt is on the line. Utah beat BYU in Week 2 to get it, but their game last week sucked, so I forgot to include them in the preview (they won anyway). What didn't suck? This dude:

I feel like we've had more cool punter highlights in the last two years than in the previous 28.

Saturday

UNLV at Ohio State (10): Last week, J.K. Dobbins went for 172 yards and 2 TDs... on 13 carries.

Kent State at Louisville (19): It's over, Louisville -- this is your new QB now.

It's over.

UMass at Tennessee: "What's college football like, Bobby?"

Oof.

Also, LSU's game wasn't good enough to make the column (not that this game was either), so this goes here:

The game will age ya, man.

Ah shit, throw this one in here, too:

West Virginia at Kansas: This made me laugh so much.

That QB needs to pick up more tabs. You're gonna tell me it's actually scheme, aren't you?

Old Dominion at Virginia Tech (13): How's our man Josh "Definitely Michael Vick" Jackson doing?

/checks

Hmm, 8 TDs, no picks, 64.7% completions. Not bad, sir!

Also: 

Old Dominion robbing the cradle

Ohio at Eastern Michigan: 

And he copped to it!

Haha.

UCF at Maryland: Wait, is Maryland still undefeated?

/checks

Ah, they had a bye last week.

/realizes I never addressed their record

Yes, they are. They are an undefeated 2-0 (Texas/Towson).

Alabama (1) at Vanderbilt: Vandy has gone mad.

Watch the short video. He sounds less like a professional wrestler and more like a genuinely nice guy. Still, unruly. But...

OK, Jalen Hurts rules.

Boston College at Clemson (2): The Tigers at No. 2. Are we... potentially on track for Alabama-Clemson III? Maybe if the prophecy is true:

Be humble.

Not following that advice? Clemson Tom!

What did I tell you? You're absolutely right, I told you we would beat Louisville. I was extremely disappointed in their lack of stadium noise. The fans come off like they are going to get the place pumping and jumping, but at some point early in the game, it sounded like a library. Their tailgating is also atrocious. Come to find out, they're not really in the South. Louisville is pretty much the start of Yankeetown.

Speaking of Yankees, Boston College. Now, I know what you're saying, "They still have a football team?" Apparently they do, but I'm not worried about anything. BC is horrible. I mean, bad. I really shouldn't even be trash talking them because they're that bad.

First off, they live in Massachusetts. The best team in town is run by Tom Brady, so they obviously play fifth fiddle. This should have been a preseason game. It's a later afternoon start, but don't watch it if you don't have to. Unless you enjoy watching Goliath beat David.

Truth be told, I'm not even watching the game. I'll be taking my wife to Epcot for the food and wine festival. So I'll be drinking and eating exotic foods while I trust in my Tigers.

Never date a girl that drives a Mustang.

USC (5) at California: So USC eeked it out against Texas, but only after Darnold had to temporarily become Tebow.

Y'all sold your souls, man. Actually, you bought an extra soul because Tebow probably had a few to spare.

A reminder:

TCU (16) at Oklahoma State (6): Game of the Week? I really don't know much about either team and can't muster much excitement; so who knows, maybe it'll surprise us.

Toledo at Miami (FL) (14): Do you know Miami has only played one game this season? Hurricanes, man. (Real) Hurricanes, man.

Rutgers at Nebraska: 

GLORY

Really speaks for itself. I feel nearly everything while reading this rant. You wanna mock the guy -- and should a million times -- yet also know college football has strung you out enough to maybe get reach this point, too. It's horrifyingly relatable. We are all Guy Who Wishes The Internet Didn't Exist guy. No one should tell him about Kansas basketball, though.

Georgia Southern at Indiana: What are the Hoosiers up to a Q?

Louisiana Tech at South Carolina: Get this man a scholarship to Kansas.

Michigan (8) at Purdue: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man, fuck this team. The banana boys... do not inspire. I hope Purdue -- who maybe we can try calling NewDue? NuDue? NuDu? Nude? I got nothin', nevermind -- piles up some points and pushes them, because Michigan is an offensive funk right now. It leads to some dirty, gross, uncomfortable games. Notice how it sounds like a medical condition? Yeah, it's not far off.

Nevada at Washington State (18): Wazzu is undefeated, and Nevada is winless, so... maybe 9 OT potential here? Team chemistry is also off the charts right now:

The good news is everyone is crazy.

Oklahoma (3) at Baylor: ESPN -- or maybe Yahoo! -- had some article about how Oklahoma is "the center of the college football world" now, which is hilarious, since they're ranked No. 3, and the two teams ranked above them won the last two national titles.

Mississippi State (17) at Georgia (11): Nick Chubb has 4 TDs in three games, and a big ass performance here would probably show he's truly 'back' from the injury. In the same way Texas wasn't.

San Diego State (22) at Air Force: 

Arkansas State at SMU: Giddy up.

Penn State (4) at Iowa: Does Iowa have the speed for this?

I don't know. But I was at the Penn State game where we won on a late FG and rushed the field, and this kinda feels like that, right down to the transcendent RB on Iowa's side.

Counterpoint: this PSU team is a lot more talented than the '08 squad, so who the hell knows? I do know this game has that spark. Not sure I've been so juiced for an Iowa game since the MSU-Iowa Big Ten Title Game that went so well until it didn't. Speaking of MSU...

Notre Dame at Michigan State: They were on bye last week, so let's go through the MSU over/under predictions.

Emrck68: 3
Shiftyz06: 4
Dip-Shit: 1
Calvin Poolidge: 6
Scratch Where It Itches: 6
MdHawkeye: 5
Xarin: 4
Captain America: 5
IowaPharmer: 5
Hollywood Hawk Hogan: 5.5

...RIP, Dip-Shit.

Washington (7) at Colorado: 

Shrug

Oregon (24) at Arizona State: Wait... the Ducks are undefeated and ranked? Woo.

UCLA at Stanford: Good news, ROSEN -- I have too much making fun of David Shaw on the agenda to probe into your 48-45 loss to Memphis (?!?).

...

...

"DON'T YOU *DARE* TELL ME IT'S ACCEPTABLE TO THROW 15 PASSES IN ONE HALF OF FOOTBALL!"

"YOU DON'T THINK I CAN GET CRAZY?! I CAN GET CRAZY!"

Promotion time:

Also, with no credit at all to Stanford's offense, the lights went out:

Look at the passing yards:

Look at it!

The quality on that video is the Stanford offense of resolution.

Wrapping It Up...

Saw these guys last week, and my heart will never be the same.

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

23 Comments
View 23 Comments