The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate
Was herbin' 'em in the home of the Terrapins.
That's right, The Hybrid is going to the Maryland game this weekend. It'll be downright impossible to hide the excitement.
6 am triple brew day tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/uBiAowhw5G— Hardy Wallbanger (@HardyWallbanger) November 7, 2017
Ah screw it, let's run back the whole video.
Wifey material pic.twitter.com/E3yue9KMpY— Busted College (@BustedCollege) September 23, 2017
It's aged well.
Because I am not an easy person to be around, it's very difficult for me to go to the state of Maryland without uttering one of my favorite Shawn Carter lines. It led the column. I'll say it again:
Was herbin' 'em in the home of the Terrapins
It's from one of Jigga's bigger hits, "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)"; at the 1:06 mark.
Decoded, from Genius:
“Herbin'” suggests he was selling the University students marijuana
Of course. And this time, for the first time, I'm actually gonna be in College Park, attending the Michigan-Maryland game. Not like those couple of other MD trips, where I went to Baltimore and kept saying WAS HERBIN' 'EM IN THE HOME OF THE TERRAPINS for no reason other than being kinda close.
I don't bring this up to talk about the Maryland experience or indulge my love of Jigga (oops and oops again), but, as a tribute of his love for double entendres, I propose we take herbin' 'em and create a new term: Urban 'em.
This is an expression for...
- When Iowa hangs 55 on Ohio State
Papering my entire house with this. pic.twitter.com/GcmSm436C9— Irrational Hawkeye (@IrrationalHawk) November 5, 2017
- When you set a new record for all the wrong reasons
This is the most points an Urban Meyer team has given up in his 16-year head coaching career.— Bill Rabinowitz (@brdispatch) November 4, 2017
- When it's pizza time
thank you for calling falbos will this be takeout or delivery?— Falbo Brothers Pizza (@FalboBrothersIC) November 4, 2017
delivery. one large depression pizza to kinnick stadium. fast. pic.twitter.com/rnbz6OARbj
Papa John: Nobody will buy my pizza anymore because of football— Rodger Sherman (@rodger_sherman) November 4, 2017
Iowa: we got you fam pic.twitter.com/XQBOsP4nvo
- When Iowa drives the opposing coach to nipple play
- When... fuck this guy
- When you get outcoached
This isnt new Kirk. This is give me a cigar and a recliner after the game Kirk. He is out coaching Urban Meyer.— AJ Ellingson (@AEllingsonKIMT3) November 4, 2017
- Shit, when you just wanna troll
When your visit to Iowa City doesnt go quite as planned ... pic.twitter.com/rieQFUrRUF— Wayne Drehs (@espnWD) November 4, 2017
- No, like, when you really wanna troll
I... no, we have spent way too damn long watching Ohio State run this damn conference. No more. Not after that. I refuse to watch last week's game and call it a fluke. It felt like the end of something or the start of something, and whichever it was, I'm excited as hell.
Also, no hyperbole, that was probably the most impressive Iowa victory since I started following the team in 2004. Sure, there have been big upsets. But Michigan 2016 was a toss up, decided on a kick. Same for Penn State 2008. The Capitol One Bowl was heart-stopping... yet, still different.
Ohio State 2017 -- godddddddddddddd, I love saying that already -- was comprehensive. Spread defying.
Iowa closed +21 and beat Ohio St 55-24. It's the biggest ATS margin (52 pts) all year and 17th time there's been a 50+ ATS margin since '05.— The Action Network (@ActionNetworkHQ) November 5, 2017
It wasn't an upset -- it was an authentic result. It really had everything.
So even though this is a preview column, I ask you all to dwell on it more, in the best possible way.
Have some, losers.
"'I've done so well this week' is the sort of thing a person notes only when the opposite is true."
Washington (9) at Stanford: Hahaha -- what's up, you two? Washington, I have way too much Iowa/Ohio State stuff to also find time clown you this week, so please move along.
Welcome to Pullman, nerds. pic.twitter.com/6kbSct1e3v— Bobby L. (@bobbystompy) November 4, 2017
Stanford lost the Chocolate Milk Title Belt to Wazzu last week. But, if you take a look at this weird Bryce Love Heisman hype video, you'd think they retained the Chocolate Milk Title Belt.
OK, so, yes, that 52-yard TD run was legit. But do you know how many touchdowns he had besides that one? If your guess was "Zero!", you'd be correct. Do you know how many more yards he had besides that? If your guess was "lol 17", you'd be incredibly correct.
PJ Kendall, take us out.
This is like when NFL Films made an episode of the 2008 Lions and you'd have thought they weren't actually winless. https://t.co/XeaseavbSk— PJ Kendall (@Deathby105) November 7, 2017
Michigan State (12) at Ohio State (13): Sparty is such a dumb, weird, good team. They have one great loss (Notre Dame) and one kinda-bad-loss-that's-somehow-getting-better (Northwestern). Their QB, Brian...
/looks up spelling
Lewerke. Brian Lewerke, has put up more fantasy points in my Big Ten only league than Nate Stanley and Saquon Barkley. I know, I don't believe it either. The only dudes above him are J.T. Barrett and Trace McSorley. How unreal is that?
Oh, also, they just beat all of you in the over/under guesses from the start of the season:
Calvin Poolidge: 6
Scratch Where It Itches: 6
Captain America: 5
Hollywood Hawk Hogan: 5.5
Per our agreement, all who participated owe me a dollar. This can be sent to my PayPal or Venmo: bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com. Thank you very much. Also, this is not a joke.
* * *
Ohio State time! One last concept I would like to address...
But if Iowa beats Ohio State, the Big Ten might not be represented in the Playoff! pic.twitter.com/DoAsKOA8uS— Bobby L. (@bobbystompy) November 4, 2017
No seriously, I saw this coming from a ten miles away.
Beside myself with this no Playoff narrative. Yall. We dont care if our enemies succeed; same people we wish a thousand deaths on.— Bobby L. (@bobbystompy) November 4, 2017
...and was happy to see others agreed.
Big ups to the Ohio State fan who screamed "YOU FUCKED THE BIG TEN OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!" At me yesterday— #Wokeize (@Hawkize) November 5, 2017
FYI: I am
And the final word on this:
Ive never understood Conference pride. The teams in my conference are the ones I hate most.— ''Matt'' (@Real_MattPeters) November 4, 2017
Lastly, Buckeyes... though you may not be in our class as a football team on the field, off the field, you're alright by me:
Urban Meyer taking part in the Iowa wave. Best tradition in sports. pic.twitter.com/LXUWcsWg8P— Matt Schick (@ESPN_Schick) November 4, 2017
Love you, Urbs.
Rutgers at Penn State (14): Can someone give me a definitive take on this?
It seems... so hokey and lame. Yet, it kinda made me like James "Ben" Franklin more. What to make of it, what to make of it...
Oklahoma State (15) at Iowa State (21): Well, Okie State... you tried.
Well its true pic.twitter.com/dKMzW1dEiv— College GameDay (@CollegeGameDay) November 4, 2017
You failed. But you tried.
Also, Iowa State appears neutralized. I hope you're all happy.
Connecticut at UCF (18): Undefeated UCF has been sitting at No. 18 for what feels like the last three weeks or so. I'm starting to -- /GASP -- think they may not make the Playoff if they win out.
Also, the former UConn coach who spearheaded creation of the Civil ConFLiCT trophy is my kindred spirit. (Ed. Note: That's Galaxy Brain Bob Diaco.)
This is the last great rivalry.
Arkansas at LSU (24): Don't let them mock -- always try if you think you can.
Reasons to consider NOT hurdling: pic.twitter.com/O5ybBWpu8m— Deadspin (@Deadspin) November 5, 2017
Florida at South Carolina: During an eventful Saturday that had me cackling many a time, I'm not sure anything was actually as downright funny as this:
Better days for Florida fans, I think. pic.twitter.com/BEt3UJ8GNn— SportsPaper (@SportsPaperInfo) November 5, 2017
Will muschamp calling a trick play is like a mormen trying to 69— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) November 4, 2017
Indiana at Illinois: /shrug
Nebraska at Minnesota: /double shrug
Georgia (1) at Auburn (10): Game of the Week, yo.
Theres a new No. 1 in town pic.twitter.com/q7QeFoP5mt— College GameDay (@CollegeGameDay) November 4, 2017
Love it. And props to Auburn for sneaking into the Top 10 just in time to make this game look cooler.
Florida State at Clemson (4): First thing's first: after mocking all doubters of Deshaun Watson in last week's column, our man tore his ACL basically immediately. To everyone, I apologize. That said, he shall be back.
Also back? Clemson Tom.
Sorry about last week, I honestly forgot. But let’s talk real quick about the Wolfpack. Dave Doeren, their head coach, is a complete clown. He had the audacity to say Clemson was cheating because the social media department had a laptop on the sideline to do their job. Maybe he should stick to doing his job.
Last year, he bragged about knocking out our starting running back with a concussion. The year before that, one of his assistant coaches shoved Watson as he was walking back onto the field. And even this year, one of his assistant coaches tried to swipe the ball out of one of our player's hands. Their entire coaching staff is a joke and needs to have their ass whipped.
We have never lost to Dave.
Now this week!
Typically, the Florida State game brings out a little bit of animosity and excitement -- not this season. FSU seems to have given up on football. Players are quitting before the end of the first-quarter, and rumors are Jimbo Fisher is leaving to go coach the Aggies.
I hate that Florida State sucks this year, I really do. Having a good rival helps make college football fun. However, beating them like they stole something is also going to be fun. We need to come out firing on all cylinders, and I hope Kelly Bryant showcases the Kelly Bryant we saw in the first half of the season.
It’s going to be cold this weekend in Clemson, and that just means I get to save money on not buying ice.
I'll let math wrap this section up:
Surely I'm not the first to notice, but No 4 played No 20 and combined for 69 points pic.twitter.com/8NUheeZqKX— Luke Zimmermann (@lukezim) November 5, 2017
Iowa (20) at Wisconsin (8): 'eyyyyyy, we ranked. Again, I am aware this is a preview column... but I am also aware we housed Ohio State. So, without making fun of tOSU and with praising the Hawkeyes in mind only, let's discuss a little more.
Gary Dolphin: "You at least have to like a punter with a little imagination, don't ya?" Iowa's Ferentz: "Not necessarily, no." #Hawkeyes— Danny Lawhon (@DannyLawhon) November 5, 2017
This incredible, baller ass throw:
This OBJ-esque pick:
This covered-to-the-point-of-appeasing-an-obsessive-person field:
Iowa has beat Wisconsin 4 of the last 5 times at Camp Randall Stadium (Wisconsin has beat Iowa 4 of the last 5 times at Kinnick Stadium).— Tyler Luebke (@TylerLuebke) November 6, 2017
Did I just wake up in the present? Noooooooooooooooooooo.
Michigan at Maryland: Assuming you were too buzzed on revelry to watch or care about the Michigan-Minnesota game, the general recap: Many TFLs + Gashy Rushing Game = Blowout. Seriously, TFLs.
Big Ten Tackle for Loss Leaders:— Drew Hallett (@DrewCHallett) November 5, 2017
1. Khaleke Hudson (12.5)
t2. Chase Winovich (11.5)
t2. Maurice Hurst (11.5)
Hudson had so many, he won co-Big Ten Defensive Player of the Week with Josh Jackson. Our leader was... not happy.
WTF IS THIS CO YOU SPEAK OF https://t.co/qQeHodFbYm— AmericaNeedsFarmabro (@PV_GIA) November 6, 2017
Like... really not happy. Borderline bitter.
...against Minnesota. https://t.co/DHEpuEyrm5— AmericaNeedsFarmabro (@PV_GIA) November 6, 2017
CHILL OUT PV THESE ARE IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS
J.T. Barrett had one interception all season before Saturday. Jackson picked 3. If Hudson gets 81 TFLs on Minnesota, I'll listen. https://t.co/dG5His5lg1— AmericaNeedsFarmabro (@PV_GIA) November 6, 2017
While Hudson did not have 81 TFLs, he did set Michigan's school record and was generally all over the field; even enough to get my "offense only" brain to notice.
Every Khaleke Hudson play in 1 clip. pic.twitter.com/Mf7zRjYWJk— Due# (@JDue51) November 7, 2017
Anyway, if you're still mad about the split... sorry, I guess?
How can you be mad at that?!
My friend has confirmed from seeing Jim Harbaugh at the movie theater that he has the "Bad Mother Fucker" wallet from Pulp Fiction— Patrick Barron (@BlueBarronPhoto) November 4, 2017
Nevermind, be mad.
Kentucky at Vanderbilt: Back when we used to do the SEC Turd of the Week, this woulda been a great candidate.
Washington State (19) at Utah: Wazzu's game last week was a validation of many Coug stereotypes: passing TDs, snow... and fans without pants.
Hold your applause.
Alabama (2) at Mississippi State (16): All in on this guy.
Alabama got 33 year old nfl vets on the squad pic.twitter.com/TJoIpuQw2F— Sincere (@BigBreadCed) November 5, 2017
In all seriousness, Alabama is so dominant that they're playing at Top 20 team on the road, and I'm not even blinking. Neither eye. What do we think the spread is? I wanna go absurd and say, like, 22.5. It can't be that high, right? Let's go 19.5.
BAMA LOOKS VUHL-NERABLE, PAWWWWWWWL.
Purdue at Northwestern (25): And there's Northwestern, the most annoyingly ranked No. 25 team any of us can remember. I find myself rooting for Purdue in more and more games these days.
Notre Dame (3) at Miami (FL) (7): Game of the Week is officially stolen from Georgia. Sorry, Georgia. Outside of Iowa-Ohio State in totality and Baker Mayfield's individual line (more on him in just a second), no one in college football had as much fun as The U last week. And even the aforementioned didn't their unabashed style.
We had the turnover chain on a big dude.
293-pound RJ McIntosh has to be the largest man to ever wear the turnover chain pic.twitter.com/sJI8g4BN3J— Dr. Saturday (@YahooDrSaturday) November 5, 2017
The turnover chain on an expressive dude.
Turnover chain volume 4 with a message...— Dr. Saturday (@YahooDrSaturday) November 5, 2017
BALL GAME pic.twitter.com/bAJDsVN6EF
The replica turnover chain on Alex.
Alex Rodriguez brought his own turnover chain to the Miami game! pic.twitter.com/DXougsdYIc— Dr. Saturday (@YahooDrSaturday) November 5, 2017
The turnover chain again.
Chain time at the U pic.twitter.com/wgb9zhhtCN— Adam Rittenberg (@ESPNRittenberg) November 5, 2017
Me getting too hyped and researching the turnover chain, finding out Vince Wilfork had involvement, and learning the meaning of "Cuban links".
The initial thought was a rope chain that players would get to wear after forcing a turnover.
“Naw, man,” chimed in Wilfork, recently retired after a 13-year NFL career. “We got to do the Cuban link, AJ!”
The consensus among the three was a collective “Hell yeah!”
“In Miami, what are we famous for? We’re famous for the Cuban chains,” Machado says. “But we need to add a little something to it.
“So we did a big U charm — orange stones, green stones in there to flash it out.”
Turnover chain for Heisman.
Or these dudes:
random walk-ons wearing sunglasses on the sideline at a night game may mean The U is officially back pic.twitter.com/MNyfk5CtAS— Dr. Saturday (@YahooDrSaturday) November 5, 2017
Or maybe not.
I'd hit you with a totally kidding "Stay classy, Miami", but this guy's got me covered.
You were supposed to have me covered, Steve.
TCU (6) at Oklahoma (5): Oh man, another GOTW contender here. I think it's still gotta be ND-Miami, then probably this one, then Georgia-Auburn. Baker, what say you?
Baker Mayfield threw for almost 600 yards on 24 completions. pic.twitter.com/4XVeIfSuLx— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) November 5, 2017
My goodness, Baker.
Arizona State at UCLA: Remember when we used to care about Rosen and I was trying to get the all-caps ROSEN thing going? Yeah, me neither. Here's a cool catch in Spanish:
oh yes. yes yes pic.twitter.com/9BQdgL7GpT— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) November 4, 2017
Wyoming at Air Force: Mesmerizing.
Pistol Pete is loving this game. pic.twitter.com/DjOGQQuIzB— CBS Sports Network (@CBSSportsNet) November 5, 2017
Boise State at Colorado State: Extremely, extremely well played, Boise State.
A+ sign from a Boise fan at today's game ( by Brian Losness/USA Today Sports) pic.twitter.com/rpjcWtSSVp— Chris Murray (@MurrayRGJ) November 5, 2017
Wrapping It Up...
Sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you.
Tulsa life. pic.twitter.com/5VYmcxvZXL— Deadspin (@Deadspin) November 4, 2017
Said it last week: college football comes for us all one day. But not all days. Because on November 4, 2017... we lived like kings and queens.
Kings and queens.
Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.