The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate
Intro? Hell no.
Western Michigan at Northern Illinois: Did we... know this existed?
NIU WINS THE BRONZE STALK TROPHY— Dr. Saturday (@YahooDrSaturday) November 10, 2017
(Yes that is a corn stalk) pic.twitter.com/pYuJPcRoSS
no no no no no no
Mercer at Alabama (1): You've gotta be shitting me, Alabama. You've given us boring game after boring game all season, and now we get Mercer. Ugggggggggggh.
Here's an uninspiring-but-still-cool Ron Mercer dunk.
Virginia at Miami (FL) (3): Hello, my loves. You were so good to us last week.
Alex started the day with his very specific brand of lameness with a tinge of rich cool.
Then the trolling got super professional.
Then the Turnover Chain got super professional.
Then you kinda, like, got exclusive on us.
Whos getting the chain tonight? pic.twitter.com/sgHix3uTVO— College GameDay (@CollegeGameDay) November 11, 2017
Then Alex touched down.
A-Rod even broke his own damn turnover chain pic.twitter.com/ACBYvTkwnA— Dr. Saturday (@YahooDrSaturday) November 11, 2017
Then a good boy good boyed.
This very good boy at GameDay has himself a Turnover Chain because, Miami. pic.twitter.com/g3uappuXum— Christy Chirinos (@ChristyChirinos) November 11, 2017
Then, well, you rolled ND's ass. Even Jeb got in on the fun.
Its a cane thing.— Jeb Bush (@JebBush) November 12, 2017
...and Bobby Big Wheel joined him.
I'm laughing hysterically picturing Jeb Bush saying this in real life. https://t.co/38VPWhW9f1— Robert Wheel, Attorney At Law (@BobbyBigWheel) November 12, 2017
GOP, Libs, fans of Alex, dogs, bling, and kick ass football... we were all winners in some way.
Michigan (24) at Wisconsin (5): lol, is this the Game of the Week?
/scrolls down quickly and half-looks at the other games
Haha, it is.
You realize this features the banana boys, right? You may not know the banana boys... but I know the banana boys.
When a Michigan Woman puts you in your place pic.twitter.com/MIaGc914wQ— Bobby L. (@bobbystompy) November 11, 2017
Really gotta try to stop calling them that at some point.
Listen, I had a pretty good feeling about this game, but I also had a pretty good feeling about Sconnie-Iowa, and we all saw how that turned out. I'm really not trying to be biased or negative, but it really just seems like Wisconsin sucks and that they should lose all the time. Perhaps. Perhaps not.
But, no, seriously though, I felt solid about this game... but then I saw Michigan was, like, a 7.5 point dog. That inspires less confidence. I mean, this is the same team that, only a few years ago, tried to do defensive incentives with a stuffed animal wolverine:
people forget the first turnover chain pic.twitter.com/R1W2u2TcIp— raj (@internetraj) November 12, 2017
Makes the banana uniforms look like an upgrade, right?
So yeah, they very well could be screwed, but I do believe in Michigan's defense, the incremental development of QB Brandon Peters (because he is tied to my identity as a human being, and I have no choice), and Hornibrook's ability to throw two or three "Horny as hell"-type interceptions. Because if M is gonna win this game, it's gonna have to be mucked up, ugly, and unapologetic.
Triple teamed AND held.— Due# (@JDue51) November 11, 2017
Still not enough against Mo Hurst pic.twitter.com/HwhQL07zVc
So, you know, possible.
Louisiana Monroe at Auburn (6): It just... blows me away that this is allowed. Yet, Auburn housing Georgia was a nice little surprise. Take your Louisiana Monroe and go, Auburn.
Also, glory days of Gus right here:
Executed to perfection pic.twitter.com/Sbyb6RnbB9— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) November 11, 2017
Reminds me of before the Auburn/FSU national title game where I called Gus "potentially one of the Top 4 greatest CFB coaches ever" to troll my Alabama buddy Russ (even though I also kinda meant it). That proclamation did not work out.
UCF (15) at Temple: UCF achieving the coveted learner's permit ranking this deep into the season is just depressing.
Mississippi State (16) at Arkansas:
Pregame Bret Bielema is everyone's dad going down the driveway Sunday morning to get the paper so he can have his coffee and sit on the toilet for the next 2 hours pic.twitter.com/RdjakmP9Pr— Big Cat (@BarstoolBigCat) November 11, 2017
Minnesota at Northwestern (23): Really chapped my ass to see Northwestern ranked No. 25 last week, though I'm completely unbothered seeing them at No. 23 this time around. Go figure.
I mean, yeah, that didn't hurt.
Rutgers at Indiana:
(No idea why or how that popped into my weird head for this game.)
The Citadel at Clemson (2): You too, Clemson?! Man. Via Clemson Tom:
This week, we have Citadel. It’s also military appreciation week, which means we will wear all purple in honor of our troops. No trash talk, as we will rest some key guys and prepare to hand the Gamecocks another butt kicking like we did last season.
Iowa State at Baylor:
Y'all know I'm good with Iowa State... but this streak has to end. Can someone check in and let us know if they cough one up?
Oklahoma (4) at Kansas:
Kentucky at Georgia (7): Georgia, Georgia, Georgia...
jk you blew it
Navy at Notre Dame (8): ...but not as bad as these guys!
Let us begin with a demonstrative crotch chop:
Might just have to tweet this ten billion times pic.twitter.com/b9MfcTCB01— Rodger Sherman (@rodger_sherman) November 12, 2017
And if it's football analysis you're looking for, we've got that too:
Its like Rudy started at every position for Notre Dame tonight.— Chris Williams (@ChrisMWilliams) November 12, 2017
Illinois at Ohio State (9):
My buddy Ryan txt'd me the spread to this game, so I'd like you to guess before I tell you.
No seriously, guess.
Ohio State by 41. And you know what? I'm taking the Buckeyes. Anyone interested in earning back their dollar from the MSU over/under (or even anyone that didn't originally bet), feel free to comment if you'd like to take Illinois. I will honor all bets via PayPal, Venmo, or carrier pigeon.
Oh, and before you think the Illini have made any strides despite clockwork losses all season...
Let's check in with Illinois Football pic.twitter.com/yQ7pysCeig— Bryan Mac (@Bry_Mac) November 11, 2017
Purdue at Iowa:
IOWA: 500 yards and 55 points against OSU.— mgoblog (@mgoblog) November 13, 2017
ALSO IOWA: 66 yards against Wisconsin
S&P+: fuck it, i'm going home pic.twitter.com/BRnORmMYQg
Yeah, it's true.
My buddy Ryan (same one who txt'd me about the tOSU spread) went up to Madison for that, uh, "game" last week, crunched the numbers, and gave us this even sadder stat:
Stat of game: I paid $1.82/Iowa yard of offense. Don't come to me for investment advice.— Ryan Levy (@RealMoseLevy) November 12, 2017
The only thing cheering me up was Pat Vint envisioning the Midwestern version of the Turnover Chain.
The Punt Downed Inside the 5 Yard Line Savings Bond https://t.co/3wVpMByPGi— Came here to change my name and missed a 3 'n out (@PV_GIA) November 12, 2017
I'm telling you, that stuffed animal was a semi-thing.
Nebraska at Penn State (10): Aright, so here's the deal... I made the final four of my Big Ten Only College Fantasy Football league. We did this despite not owning a single Big Ten RB1 for the entire season. How? I do not know. We have McSorley, the Michigan defense, and that's basically it. Were we the 1-seed? You guessed it! As part of a quirky new rule, the 1-seed gets to pick who they play. Surprising many, we picked the 2-seed over the 4-seed and 6-seed. Our opponent has the Indiana QB at home (vs. Rutgers), the Penn State D at home, and Wadley. But we'd rather die enormous than live dormant. This game and Michigan/Sconnie are gonna swing everything.
Also, if we lose, this will 100% be referenced in my email to the rest of the league:
Nebraska coach Mike Riley: "We have had very few issues, except for the games." https://t.co/qg3Ok5pILP— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) November 13, 2017
Maryland at Michigan State (17): Did you know Maryland serves beer in their stadium? No, for real. We drank before the game with the plan of not being able to drink at all during the game. Instead, we found unopened beers on the walk over and short beer lines when we got in. The night ended in downtown Annapolis dancing to a cover band playing great jams with the assistance of iPads.
Oh, almost forgot: SPARTY NOOOO.
I mean, last week vs. Ohio State was really more like SPARTY OHHHHHHHH...MYGOODNESSAREYOUDEAD?!
Wofford at South Carolina: This guy is solid.
UAB at Florida: Oof... man.
Floridas season in one play. pic.twitter.com/ahxMlKFvVb— David Todd (@DavidMTodd) November 11, 2017
LSU (20) at Tennessee: MGoBlog's Brian Cook has dubbed this Brady Hoke vs. Cajun Hoke, if you have any interest in trying to find interest in this game.
This is happening. pic.twitter.com/VbcEnia9HX— Mark (@MarktheNomad) November 13, 2017
UCLA at USC (11): For the love of QBs.
California at Stanford (22): Our man got a little radical last week...
DAVID SHAW WENT FOR A 4TH DOWN AT MIDFIELD pic.twitter.com/077ol8N39b— BUM CHILLUPS (@edsbs) November 11, 2017
The band was... par for the course.
This is the magic you're all missing in Stanford-Washington. pic.twitter.com/pBeQp26MAV— Chris Vannini (@ChrisVannini) November 11, 2017
As were the mashers:
The dignity and grace of line play pic.twitter.com/ugWVv82qic— BUM CHILLUPS (@edsbs) November 11, 2017
The kicker, meanwhile, snuck up on me:
Keep forgetting Stanfords kicker is named after a printer cartridge— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) November 11, 2017
STANFORD'S KICKER IS NAMED JET TONER?— Ross Gobble-UB (@RossWB) September 17, 2017
Utah at Washington (18): My, how the Huskies have fallen.
Stanford-Washington, a 1030 pm on a Friday start, is being pushed back by a NASCAR race if you're wondering how that TV contract is going.— Brian Floyd (@BrianMFloyd) November 11, 2017
So yeah, I didn't get to watch their David Shaw loss, but I'm fine accepting this as our full on recap.
But hey, maybe Utah will be the team to get them off the schneid.
Luke Falk: 117 touchdowns thrown in three-and-a-half years at Wazzu. Utah QBs: 122 touchdowns thrown since program entered Pac-12 in 2011.— Chris Kamrani (@chriskamrani) November 12, 2017
Wrapping It Up...
Phone calls with my dad end either with, I love you or, Go Hawks and thats fine because we understand them as meaning the same thing.— Quinn (@Wolf_am_I87) November 15, 2017
(Programming note: due to the holiday next week, this column will run a little earlier. Like, Wednesday.)
Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.