THE HYBRID: DITCH THE BIG TEN YESTERDAY

By Bobby Loesch on September 20, 2018 at 12:00 pm
FantaJim, You Cannot Come
39 Comments

The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate

So... how we all doing?

/snorts tweet

I mean, aren't we marching to inevitable death anyway? We are, you say?

I've railed on conference pride not mattering for years and years, and though I'm sure there are detractors or traditionalists, what do these people do when there's nothing to have pride about? Join me. Join us. The Big Ten is stupid, Iowa rules, and yes, Iowa plays in the Big Ten, but Iowa is its own thing. Do you want to roll with Noah Fant or Jim Delany?

Fant Or Delany

Because combining them does not work.

Delany IS Fant

Abandon ship. And if you're still torn and still wanna root for, like, Michigan State and Rutgers for no real reason... hey, at least we're not the Big 12?

Texas is the reason, they say. 

The Hybrid

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”

Thursday

N/A

Friday Night Lights

Florida Atlantic at UCF (16): When not napalming Ohio State, Brett McMurphy had some time to kick out this very cool UCF stat.

I seriously half-expected it to end with "Ohio State -666".

Penn State (10) at Illinois: Illinois, you think Vontae wants to use the rest of that eligibility?

Washington State at USC: Can USC stop WRs like this?

Because they ain't stoppin' this:

No, seriously, that picture is real.

Sadly, this is also real.

I have concerns.

Saturday

Georgia (2) at Missouri: Georgia's cakewalk to the SEC title game is so fluffy that I debated a new feature where we talk about different cake types every week instead of their games. The problem is I looked at the first one (Angel cake) and just got hungry and sad. This also surfaced:

Georgia Cake

The dug in claws really do it for me.

Notre Dame (8) at Wake Forest: Bleh, meh, shut up. I'm about two and half weeks through with my "no chicken for seven weeks because Michigan football isn't a team" bet loss, and I gotta say... it hasn't been awful. Outside of being on the outside looking in at Buffalo Joe's and Buffalo Wild Wings, it generally drives me to more exquisite meat (steaaaaaaaaaaak) or healthier meat (feeeeesh). That said... still gonna house some wings whenever these seven weeks finally end.

Nebraska at Michigan (19): I don't mind Nebraska, but you do, so you'll love this.

...

That was 14 seconds too long.

* * *

Also, this dude seems noble, but I got tired just thinking about his life.

"Leave it or take it" was a nice flip, though.

Boston College (23) at Purdue: Man, we talked about this before, but I got re-fixated after these tweets.

&

Kent State at Ole Miss: Sleep soundly, sweet princes.

Buffalo at Rutgers: Is it possible Rutgers' coolest play of 2018 will be in a bad, bad loss to Kansas?

Definite?

Minnesota at Maryland: 

Texas A&M (22) at Alabama (1): Make the move, Jimbo.

Clemson (3) at Georgia Tech: Ah, one of my favorite Hybrid moments of the year: Clemson Tom mocking the triple option.

The Tigers travel to Atlanta to take on Paul Johnson and his 1932 style offense. For reasons unbeknownst to me, the Georgia Tech players have been trash talking our defense. Yeah -- what moron is doing that? Our defense is the best in college football, and we keep shutting down GT and their god awful offense each year. The triple option doesn’t work, Paul -- stop being an idiot! Also why does his face look like he just pooped his pants? I hate GT for their arrogance and stupidity when it comes to college football. 

Let’s hang 50 on their asses! Who’s pissed off? I HATE 'EM.

Tulane at Ohio State (4): Do you want to vomit or piss on this?

Ohio State could teach Tone Deaf 701 classes at this point:

Make that 901.

Laura Wagner went in earlier this week, too.

In an interview with ESPN, a Twitter statement, and a rambling press conference, Urban Meyer made it excruciatingly clear that he is still missing the point.

In a sitdown with ESPN’s Tom Rinaldi on Saturday, Meyer said he was speaking now because he wants the “truth to be out there.” Then he promptly tried to obscure the truth about the issue at the heart of the matter: what he knew about the abuse allegations and when.

[...]

Lying, or “misspeaking,” as Meyer repeatedly characterized it in his press conference today, does indeed have a way of making people question your honesty. And now, surprising no one, Meyer is painting himself and his program as the real victim here. He says that he’s “truly sorry” for the fact that people lost faith in him; he is explicitly not saying he’s sorry for ignoring domestic violence.

Painting himself as the victim? That is not the Urban we kno--wait yes, that's him exactly.

“[During the investigation] I sat in my house and stared at walls for two weeks and it was awful. I was exhausted. And obviously very emotional that I was suspended, I had never been suspended, and then I walk in a press conference and cameras are going, I start getting rapid-fire questions at me and I did not do well, again, at that scenario.”

The true, ultimate, bread and butter is actually the next Urban quote, which I have just below The Contract and just above "This is history" on the all-time egregious list.

“Ever since I began as a head coach and even in more recent years, I would say every other day this is very strong—last night I talked to our team about it. We have power unit messages to our players every Thursday and I talk about domestic violence Title IX respect. When I say the word Title IX, our players respond back to me: ‘Respect.’ That’s how serious we take this. This is something that is constantly have conversation. It’s not uncommon for me to send a text message out on a Friday or Saturday night that says, ‘Remember, Title IX equals respect.’”

Me, when he first used the phrase "Title IX / Respect": 99.999999% that's a lie this is insane why is he doing this why is he this way this is like sitting in the middle of a room that's on fire and holding your position for literally no reason while you are burning alive, but... maybe? maybe, in this slight, barely possible way, there is no fire here

Me, when he pushed it over the top with the txt message part: 

Cat Fire Jump

What a damn batch of meaningless nothing. If someone routinely hit me up on Saturday nights and said "Air / KEEPS YOU ALIVE", I might just hold my breath forever.

All this current horrible is making me miss older horrible.

There he is! Sadly, current horrible reigns.

Kansas State at West Virginia (12): Looks like the early returns on "Is Will Grier gonna be a thing?" are "uh duh". He's got 9 TDs, 1 INT, and 76% completions through two games. Before you ask, one was against Tennessee.

Virginia Tech (13) at Old Dominion: Still unsure how Power 5 programs end up visiting smaller schools; not remotely opposed... just seems like they'd be dicks about it.

Northern Illinois at Florida State: Mia Khalifa started a GoFundMe to buy out Willie Taggart's $21.2 million and send him packing. Do any of you wanna guess what it's at? I'll guess, too.

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I'll go... $4,069.

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/looks up

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Our answer: $121.

Arizona at Oregon State: /grabs gavel

I... cannot hate on this.

/smashes gavel down

TCU (17) at Texas: /shakes head at TCU in disgust

Better times.

McNeese at BYU (25): Coulda sworn McNeese had a "State" after it. Are there two McNeeseseseses? Regardless, the chocolate milk was flowin' in Provo last weekend.

Leave it to Wisconsin to equate dancing-while-hyped as "cocky."

Also, give me three Tanners vs. that field, all day.

Actually, throw Riggs in there as well. We could definitely use a Riggs.

* * *

Texas, meanwhile seems to have it all figured out.

Army at Oklahoma (5): I don't think I saw a single Kyler Murray highlight last week, but this was faint-worthy.

Louisiana Tech at LSU (6): Deadspin linked two supremely great Ed Orgeron videos. The first, I call "Fuck Them Is Right".

The second... "Unintelligible Whirlwind Whipping Insanity".

Mississippi State (14) at Kentucky: Will the Bulldogs possibly, maybe finish the season ranked higher than Penn State? Let's discuss blindly.

Texas Tech at Oklahoma State (15): Eh.

Arkansas at Auburn (9): Man, I guess. Top 10 still? For real?

Michigan State (24) at Indiana: Sparty. Sparty, Sparty, Sparty.

/holds right hand over mouth

/puts left hand over right hand

Finish him!

Hahahaha.

I'm out.

Stanford (7) at Oregon (20): Game of the Week.

You could root for David Shaw, or you could root for THIS.

You still picked David Shaw?! Was it because they used big numbers again last week? I mean, everything else was pretty fuckin' sleek.

Wisconsin (18) at Iowa: Sure, I was mega stoked when Bucky lost to BYU, but yeah, it took luster off this game. I've moved past it. Sure, a win over a single digit ranked team would look quite fine, but I'd rather get 'em while they're weakened*.

(* - maybe)

Arizona State at Washington (10): No time for you, Washington. Not just this week -- I meant ever.

Eastern Michigan at San Diego State: Pretty happy with where this game landed in the column. San Diego State right tackle, set us free.

Wrapping It Up...

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

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