THE HYBRID: TRUE FRESHMEN QBs ARE WEAPONIZED BABIES

By Bobby Loesch on September 5, 2019 at 12:00 pm
BOTTLES, TOUCHDOWNS, NAPS
© Melina Myers-USA TODAY Sports
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The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate

What positions did you picture in this hypothetical? I'm thinking a Jonathan Ogden-type at OT against an undersized DE with considerably less melanin.

Still gotta win that battle, though.

The Hybrid

"There are no heroes in the room"

Friday Night Lights

Marshall at Boise State (24): Kinda cool a true freshman QB took out Florida State at Florida State. It always stings worse when it's a true freshman. The announcers might as well say "That's right, folks -- he's a true freshman! Not only is he so young to barely know what the fuck he's doing, but he basically fell backwards into this uniform, has been on campus for two weeks, and supremely does not know what the fuck he's doing! I mean, a redshirt freshman would also be bad, but this is definitively worse! Your team is shame."

Saturday

Cincinnati at Ohio State (5): Soooo... I hear Justin Fields looked good last week. Just what I hear.

Army at Michigan (7): Michigan is spreading it out, which is good. Their tempo... still lacking. Their two QB package where one guy rocks a receiver glove on just one hand and tries to catch weird short passes... woof.

The brightest spot on offense was probably true freshman RB Zach Charbonnet (of my Big Ten only college fantasy football team). M fans are JOing majorly to him going nine for nine in pass protection, but real ones, like me, are mainly happy he has the potential to be actually good at football.

Also, no idea if this was from last week's Army game or not and went out of my way not to research.

Rutgers at Iowa (20): Gambling is legal in New Jersey, but you cannot bet Rutgers there.

You cannot bet Rutgers there.

* * *

Also, I ate the tape on Iowa-Miami (OH)*, and here were the quick hit thoughts txt'd to my buddies Ryan and Chris.

- Is Sargent, like, the clear RB1?

- The fullback handoff fumble play was amazing

- We throw a ton of fades now!

- Stanley remains an awkward bobblehead of a player; there was a read option he converted for nice yardage that still made me feel like shit

- Both of Gabbert's TDs were sick fucking passes

(* - watched the four minute highlight video Ross posted)

Syracuse (21) at Maryland: This getting dragged restored my faith.

Vanderbilt at Purdue: Rooting for Purdue, even in better times, remains as bad as ever.

Maybe this Jeff Brohm XFL video can ground us.

/eyes widen

Northern Illinois at Utah (13): The Hugh Freeze story -- and ensuing mega memes -- woulda been a lot cooler if it was, you know, anyone but Hugh Freeze.

(Clearly got nothin' on this game.)

Tennessee Tech at Miami (OH): Saw this right before going to bed and really thought Vint was maybe serious here.

Texas A&M (12) at Clemson (1): National champion Clemson Tom checks in:

I told you last week we'd put a hurting on the boys from Georgia Tech. This week, we have Jimbo Fisher and the Aggies from Texas A&M. Now, I like Aggie fans -- I went there last year, and they are 100% Southern hospitality. But I can’t really understand how they do those cheers because they dance around like little Cinderellas on pixie dust. It’s odd man, seriously. 

They’ve had a few players this week talk some trash saying they’re going to roll into Death Valley and put a hurting on my Tigers. So go ahead and put some money on Dabo dropping the hammer like Thor did to Thanos.

Ass whippings are gonna happen Saturday afternoon in Clemson, and the Tigers are handing them out. Come get some, Aggies! Y’all run your mouths like y’all didn’t catch an L last year.

I’m pissed.

* * *

Clemson is a 17.5 point favorite, so please do not let the early season rankings trick you.

Central Michigan at Wisconsin (17): It is so hard to appreciate this dude. Am I the problem?

Nebraska (25) at Colorado: Heavily debating backing down from my pre-season Nebraska optimism, but that would make y'all happy, so I won't.

Illinois at UConn: Last week, declared QB Brandon Peters my new favorite Illinois player...

(lol, not sure you can lob a "go crazy" at someone that didn't break 200 yards)

...but that was because I forgot about fellow Neuqua Valley High School alum Donny Navarro transferring there from Valpo to play WR. While he didn't register a catch, he did win Special Teams Player of the Game.

Get 'em, Donny!

Donny Navarro

'Ol' Crazy Arm' Peters moves to No. 2 on the Illinois favorites depth chart.

Eastern Illinois at Indiana: Meh.

New Mexico State at Alabama (2): Still not totally used to that No. 2 ranking. Those poor have-nots in Tuscaloosa.

Also remain transfixed by TuTa.

Murray State at Georgia (3): Did Georgia even play last week?

/looks up

Ha, oh yeah -- they rocked Vanderbilt.

San Diego State at UCLA: This isn't even, like, funny -- it's flat out true.

Northern Colorado at Washington State (22): A big chunk of my job writing this column is getting y'all up to speed on whoever is calling signals for the Cougs. So let's meet our man.

/taps microphone

OK, I think we're live.

He's a senior. I think redshirt. Literally the farthest one can be from TRUE FRESHMAN status, but that's OK. Will try to learn more soon.

South Dakota at Oklahoma (4): 

You know it's good when Hurts is by far the weaker part of that name combo.

UCF (18) at Florida Atlantic: Mehhhh.

BYU at Tennessee: 

LSU (6) at Texas (9): Game of the Week. LSU is favored by 6.5, but I really like Texas. For sure would grab those points, at the very least.

Coach O, take us out.

Tulane at Auburn (10): 

Pretty cool.

Wonderful call by Fowler as well.

UT Martin at Florida (11): Bleh.

Buffalo at Penn State (15): What do y'all think of new PSU QB Sean Clifford? If he's good, my "I hope they fall into a pit" plan could be nixed for the time being. They put up 79 against Idaho, but he only had two of those touchdowns, as it looked like they kinda manged him.

Western Michigan at Michigan State (19): We reconvene with our seemingly annual Sparty psychological deconstruction.

I wonder if he means the offense or def--

/furrows brow

It very well could be the offense. Well, if Dantonio can get his inferior unit to start holding up their end of the bargain, I'm sure all will be right at MCU soon enough.

Prairie View at Houston: This is where it has to be asked... could we play QB with this type of coverage?

Also, this should have been in the Texas section, but I wanted to connect the incompetent DB momentum into a little train.

This is also exactly what I would do, for the record.

California at Washington (14): Nah, Huskies.

Stanford (23) at USC: Who should we make fun of first?

/flips coin

It was heads.

Stanford was heads.

* * *

As for the Trojans... first, a moment of silence for J.T. Daniels and his knee injury. Haaaaaaaaaate losing good QBs.

Aright.

/cracks knuckles

Ain't nothing but a [redacted] thang, bayyybay

An even better rap lyric for the occasion. I really love the announcer telestrating our new G into the wrong spot.

Minnesota at Fresno State: He sucksssssssssssssssss.

Oregon State at Hawai'i: 

TURNOVER CHAINSAW YEAHHHHH

Ahh, he's really right.

* * *

No Zybrid this week with Notre Dame on bye, but here was the dumbest tweet I saw all weekend.

That guy can triple space his way right off a cliff.

Wrapping It Up...

Told you college football was coming for all the blood.

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

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