The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate
"My whole life is the wrong porn link."
Friday Night Lights
Utah (10) at USC: Welcome back, Reggie. Go fuck yourself, Urban.
(And get the ink dry on that USC deal!)
Air Force at Boise State (20):
Southern Mississippi at Alabama (2): Ugh, Alabama's out of conference schedule sucks. Almost as much as their kicking for the last 11.2 years.
Alabama has missed more field goals (98) than any other FBS team since 2007.
We'll always have Julio playing excellent temporary defense.
Julio is always out here laying dudes out after turnovers and I absolutely love itpic.twitter.com/FjHxMRtQ4q— Ian Hartitz (@Ihartitz) September 16, 2019
LSU (4) at Vanderbilt: Not sure I've ever written about this in The Hybrid, but one of my favorite things to talk about: sports-related things you think you'd be good at that aren't actually athletic, per se. Some examples with self-analysis:
- Being the person that holds the bench back after a cool play in basketball (weak wingspan, couldn't be a top contender for the job)
- Being the person who catches the ball for the QB while warming up on the sideline so they don't risk hurting a finger (ehhh, 60-40 at this, they'd usually be short passes, so probably doable)
- Being the person right in front of the kickoff returner who tells him not to take it out of the end zone (I know mortality and limitations... I'd be amazing at this; the dude who is actually catches the ball is always way too gassed up/full of belief -- that's where your boy comes in)
- Being the dude who tries-and-very-much-fails to talk down the agro who wants to fight (do this all the time in pickup basketball with great results)
- Warming up the punter (probably the easiest of this group... who gives a shit if you don't catch it?... but can you get the ball back without having to take too many steps on your throw?!)
Tennessee at Florida (9): Tim Tebow sucks and has always sucked, so you can only add this to the pile, really.
How close was he to crying? WE SIMPLY CANNOT LET THESE POOR PEOPLE MAKE MONEY BECAUSE I DIDN'T WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--
Let's let someone more socially aware weigh in:
Tim has every right to his opinion, and is entitled to this point of view. But to say "I didn't want to be paid" is a privileged point of view. he didn't want to be paid because he didn't need to be. Not all student athletes have the luxury of not needing the money. https://t.co/h7DwwVO1GH— Taylor Rooks (@TaylorRooks) September 13, 2019
Done and done.
This is still one of the most savage things Ive ever seen in college football history. Bama did Tebow dirty that day. pic.twitter.com/Wfd1s5LAlk— PR1DT (@CaptainV94) September 16, 2019
OK, done for real.
* * *
This is a wonderful sign.
Michigan (11) at Wisconsin (13):
Michigan under Harbaugh after bye week:— LG (@LGhail) September 18, 2019
2015 - W 29-26 at Minny (13 point favs)
2016 - W 41-8 v Illinois (40 point favs)
2017 - L 14-10 v MSU (10 point favs)
2018 W 42-7 v PSU (13.5 point favs)
I dont really have a conclusion here, I just hope it goes like last year.
Haha. I expect a great Michigan loss or one of those wins where you hate yourself too much to function after. Win-win!
California (23) at Ole Miss: Got nothin', so the impeccable new Menzos single goes here.
Elon at Wake Forest: Do we like the video more...
A+ recovery by the ref pic.twitter.com/YGLPPLGXl9— ESPN College Football (@ESPNCFB) September 13, 2019
...or the still?
The video has the fluidity of the move, while the still captures its brilliant apex. Too close to call, really.
Boston College at Rutgers: Is the ACC the Rutgers of conferences?
BC blown out at home by Kansas. Virginia Tech trailing Furman. Georgia Tech trailing Citadel. Clemson's second string might be second-best team in the ACC.— Pat Forde (@YahooForde) September 14, 2019
This BC fan can be the visual representation of Clemson's place at the table in the national conversation compared to its conference brethren.
if a realist painter had made this, it'd be hanging in the Met right now pic.twitter.com/heWhJARVgo— Cameron Newton (@morrisoncrying) September 14, 2019
UL Monroe at Iowa State: Really felt bad about the ending of the game, until...
UConn at Indiana: My pre-writing simply had this note: "Penix got hurt."
That's enough, right?
Ah, fine -- I'll google.
They might not know until Saturday morning: Coach Tom Allen told reporters Monday his injured starting quarterback will likely a game-time decision for the second straight week.
Get right, young king.
Penix remains undefeated as Indiana's starting QB.
Michigan State at Northwestern: Sparty. Sparty, Sparty, Sparty. Z.W. Martin is here with barrels of cold water.
Fun Michigan State football facts. They havent scored more than ten points against a power five team since November 3, 2018 (Maryland). More than 24 since September 22, 2018 (IU). And are 2-10 against teams that finished the season ranked since 2016.— The Yu, Ian, & Willson Defender (@ZWMartin) September 15, 2019
Miami (OH) at Ohio State (6): That's right -- these dumb assholes are playing an entirely non-Power Five out-of-conference schedule.
Auburn (8) at Texas A&M (17): Decently cool game... yet, I feel nearly nothing.
Cams about to drive this thing off a cliff. pic.twitter.com/hrnf2dQ8El— Ande Wall (@AndeWall) September 13, 2019
UCF (15) at Pittsburgh: UCF is gonna go undefeated for four straight years, aren't they*?
(* - with minimal national results to show for it)
Iowa: After the injustice with the Rutgers punter last week, happy to see the Special Teams award righted the ship.
NEW! Iowa picked up two Player of the Week honors from the Big Ten, one very much expected and another more surprising selection https://t.co/m2K3SucF0j— Go Iowa Awesome (@IowaAwesome) September 16, 2019
Also, sometimes non-TDs can get lost in the shuffle -- particularly when a rivalry game ends with Sonic coins -- but the tweeter of this tweet nailed it right here:
Nate Stanley & Ihmir Smith-Marsette Iowa - play of the game right here pic.twitter.com/QVJcbXZTMo— Hawkeye Football Fan (@HawkeyeFanHQ) September 15, 2019
Great damn execution. Also, to quote Quavo, "ALL ANGLES":
This throw continues to mesmerize. pic.twitter.com/DGfk2W9CO0— Chad Leistikow (@ChadLeistikow) September 19, 2019
Washington (22) at BYU: when you hate the huskies but love huskies, huskies
Here, have some quality dog content. pic.twitter.com/8q6ikGdbx9— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) September 15, 2019
SMU at TCU (25): Bleh.
South Alabama at UAB: Ohhhhh, this kick.
I present to you: the worst PAT attempt in college football history courtesy of South Alabama. pic.twitter.com/myXZpsA6m1— Eagle-Eyed Social Media User Dan Why-Ner (@DanWeiner) September 14, 2019
Kentucky at Mississippi State: What was so dope about this catch is I thought he caught it at the peak of his jump -- like a routine play -- before realizing all at once what actually transpired ("I mean, that wasn't that coo--OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!")
Oregon (16) at Stanford: David Shaw. David Shaw, David Shaw, David Shaw. 45-27 loss to UCF. The Cardinal (/presses thumbs into eyes) are 1-2. David Shaw remains on the moon.
Old Dominion at Virginia (21): (Hacky sportswriter alert)
Fun game... if it was *basketball*.
Southern Illinois at Arkansas State: Five year anniversary of the most I've ever laughed at a college football play.
"The fake death! His groin! It works on so many levels."
Roll it again.
Charlotte at Clemson (1): Clemson Tom is here to gloat, be a touch subdued, then dive headfirst into self-promotion.
What I tell you, Bobby? I told you. Let me say it again for the people in the back row: Clemson is your reigning national champion, and we just put a hurting on Syracuse. Now, the word around town is people are a little upset with how slow Clemson starts out this season. You can get upset all you want, but we are still beating everyone on our schedule, and just like I told you last week, we did cover that spread.
This week, we have a cakewalk. We play the 49ers [ed- wow, that is actually their real mascot] out of Charlotte, who have only had a football team for about five years now. It is going to be a night game, so make sure you tailgate early in the day. There’s not a lot of trash I can say right now because Charlotte has only graduated one class of football seniors. So expect our backups to get a lot of playing time, and just sit back and enjoy the Saturday God has created.
Make sure you follow me on Twitter, as I’m killing it in sports betting this year. 13-1 on the season. That one loss came from a stupid targeting penalty that never should’ve happened.
Whatever, put bacon in your grits.
Notre Dame (7) at Georgia (3): Game of the Week. The *one* time the Zybrid would make sense, Z.W. emails me nothing and wastes time tweeting about MSU. He did txt this yesterday:
Have fun, Irish!
Notre Dame is a -14.5 point underdog. That even surprised my hatin' ass. Also, for those hypothetically arguing this isn't a GOTW candidate because of immense blowout potential surely have not watched Notre Dame eat shit on a national stage before.
Nebraska at Illinois: BANNER ME.
Sure, Illinois fell to Eastern Michigan, but our man Donny Navarro registered his first catch of the season. Had the vid but (of course) lost it, but I'm sure words can do it justice.
First career catch for Donny Navarro.— Illini Stats & Notes (@IlliniStats) September 14, 2019
Colorado at Arizona State (24):
UCLA at Washington State (19): Many stray Wazzu items...
- Beat Houston on the road last Friday (still a clean 3-0)
- This cheerleader scared the hell out of everyone
- NFL starting QB Gardner Minshew called Cougs QB Alex Gordon "Gordo" over the weekend, so I suppose that's his nickname
- Speaking of the NFL, former WSU QB Luke Falk got some playing time in the Jets MNF game, but Lucas Falk was the week's real breakout star...
Anytime Luke Falk gets a time to shine, Im reminded of when the Tennessee Titans accidentally sent me a portion of their playbook.— Lucas Falk (@Lucaswfalk) September 17, 2019
There's... so much more.
Heres my Luke Falk thread. Luke and I share a name, home state and email addresses that are almost identical.— Lucas Falk (@Lucaswfalk) September 17, 2019
Throughout his college recruitment, I would often receive emails intended for him and I would joke about taking official visits on his behalf.— Lucas Falk (@Lucaswfalk) September 17, 2019
When he entered the draft, I got combine invites and personality quizzes from a number of different teams. (I thought he was going to be a Dallas Cowboy as they emailed me most often.)— Lucas Falk (@Lucaswfalk) September 17, 2019
After he was drafted by the Tennessee Titans, I received two emails. One from the team realtor, offering his assistance. The second was from an assistant coach with the first tidbits of the playbook: personnel groupings and different motions.— Lucas Falk (@Lucaswfalk) September 17, 2019
I thought about emailing the Titans and asking for game tickets or swag but I ultimately decided against it because I didnt want the coach to get in trouble.— Lucas Falk (@Lucaswfalk) September 17, 2019
I also received an Eddie Bauer coupon that I thought was intended for me but I realized after I had used it that it was for the other Luke. ($40 off any purchase. I feel no guilt.)— Lucas Falk (@Lucaswfalk) September 17, 2019
I still get the random email intended for Luke: Your MacBook is ready to be picked up at Some Mall Far Away or Your free trial for XYZ service is about to expire I usually just delete and move on. But I keep any and all playbook emails.— Lucas Falk (@Lucaswfalk) September 17, 2019
- Speaking of Lukey, I'll let Gordo bring it home
Anthony Gordons communicated with both of his #WSU predecessors, Gardner Minshew & Luke Falk, within the last few days.— Theo Lawson (@TheoLawson_SR) September 18, 2019
I texted Luke last night and said, Great job, its amazing to see you out there. And he gave me a Thanks man with an American flag. Typical Luke. pic.twitter.com/OQQMmpY0ZH
Stanzi lovers should find some real common ground there. Seriously, this dude is a walking quote.
Anthony Gordon talks about what led to his taunting penalty against #Houston.— Theo Lawson (@TheoLawson_SR) September 18, 2019
I didnt say anything, I threw the touchdown and just kind of stared down their sideline a little bit, kind of ran down the sideline like an idiot I guess. pic.twitter.com/BpnDpNn8nH
Nothing quite like the gratification of not being actually sorry.
Wrapping It Up...
Virginia Tech won the battle...
...Furman won the war.
Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.