The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate
Coming to you live from Cancún right now, where college football could not feel less important. Luckily, the majority of this column was written earlier in the week, when everyone who mattered died or was already dead and tipped over from rigor mortis.
College football: a sport for no one.
“Got a hang loose from the weakside bartender.”
Colorado at Oregon (13): Y'all... I watched "The Gospel According To Mac" last week -- have you seen it? For those more on the ignorant side, here's a sprawling summary that gives away pretty much everything (SPOILERS):
- Mega religious high school coach wins a Michigan state title in football and hoops the same year
- Bo hires him at Michigan
- He eventually gets hired at Big 8 cellar dweller Colorado
- He resurrects the progr'm by recruiting actually good players, including stud California QB Sal Aunese
- Aunese soon gets the coach's daughter pregnant
- She keeps the baby, but everything is super low key publicly
- Aunese then gets a rare stomach cancer
- Team dedicates the next season to him; Aunese dies during the season
- Mega religious coach finally acknowledges his daughter and Aunese had a kid at Aunese's funeral
- They also read a letter Aunese wrote to the team, and it ends by telling them to win the Orange Bowl
- Team makes the Orange Bowl but loses the national title to Notre Dame (Lou Holtz era)
- Team loses two of its best players to the NFL draft, starts the season 0-1-1
- Team wins a game after being given an extra down in the red zone with less than 10 seconds left; media clamors for religious coach to retroactively forfeit (he does not)
- Despite all of this turbulence and sorta becoming heels but not really, they make it back to the Orange Bowl (against Notre Dame again, see I said not really)
- Team loses their QB during the first half to a knee injury
- QB2-but-kinda-QB3 comes in, guides them to a late lead... until Rocket Ismail houses a punt for a Notre Dame win
- ...but not so fast, it's called back on an iffy clipping penalty -- Colorado wins its first and only national title
Now, at this point, I'm thinking "How the hell did I not know most of this?! This should be one of the most celebrated teams in college football history; like the '83 North Carolina State Wolfpack basketball team. Well.
- Following the dub in the natty, the coach starts doing speeches for a religious organization; they start with some progressive racial unity themes but get derailed when he calls homosexuality a "sin and abomination"
- Protests happen; he does not back down from the take
- He then retires in his prime (age 54) because he said he wants to focus more on his relationship with his wife
- He soon after admits to cheating on said wife
- They reconcile
- The grandson (Aunese/his dauther's kid) eventually becomes a QB himself who plays under Les Miles and his hair dye at LSU
A lot going on, right? I welcome any additional takes or memories on this era of Colorado football. How it's not a good or bad feature film yet kinda blows my mind.
South Carolina at Georgia (3): Cool games simply elude Georgia. Have they even played a ranked team?
Oh yeah -- they ended Notre Dame, haha.
Oklahoma (6) vs. Texas (11): Game of the Week. Let's do itttttttttttttttt. Hell, I'll even make a pick. A frisky Texas, perhaps?
Michigan (16) at Illinois: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thisfuckingguy.
Whatever. Charles Woodson is my QB now.
Charles Woodson on the T-Shirt cannon is everything pic.twitter.com/LxuuVfqMz2— Def Pen Sports (@DefPenSports) October 5, 2019
Memphis (23) at Temple: How do you make jokes about undefeated Memphis when you know nothing about Memphis football? Who's your QB -- Derrick Rose?! lolololol
Maryland at Purdue: Maryland has put up 48+ in their wins, and looking at the opponent here, I expect that trend to continue. Purdue* was supremely outclassed against Penn State last week.
(* - extremely depleted but still)
Rutgers at Indiana: This game sucks, so here is one of the most atomic throws I've ever seen.
Alabama (1) at Texas A&M (24): Eh? But no.
Florida State at Clemson (2): Clemson Tom makes his return after some bye week rest.
Sorry I took a hiatus, but we had a bye week. Kind of similar to this week, as we play Florida State. I did an interview earlier on the Florida State podcast, and all I said was Clemson was going to beat Florida State. You would’ve thought I stole their dalmatian pony again (actually did). [ed- lol what]
So there has been some controversy about Trevor Lawrence getting an MRI on his throwing shoulder. I don’t care if you got an MRI or not all we need to do is hand the ball off to Travis Etienne, and we could score as many points as we wanted to. Florida State can’t block anyone on offense, and their defense is suspect.
They are so bad it’s almost an embarrassment to say that we have to play them this season. I hate them for being them, and I hate them for being a horrible team.
They hired this coach that hasn’t been successful anywhere he has gone, yet they think he’s the second coming of Bobby Bowden. That’s the type of ignorance we’re dealing with with this fan base.
Hope everyone has a good weekend -- except the Gamecocks and Florida State.
Michigan State at Wisconsin (8): Bleh; nothing Sparty does is good.
Texas Tech at Baylor (22): The Baylor Bears are undefeated? Were we... were we sleeping on the Baylor Bears?!
USC at Notre Dame (9): Another CFB doc I watched recently was "Trojan War." And while it would be very easy to link the Bush Push and move on, I'd rather highlight the more underrated play which set the whole thing up: Matt Leinart hitting the immortal Dwayne Jarrett on a deep ball fade on 4th and 9 earlier in the drive (2:20 mark):
Had USC won the national title, this really could go down as one of the most baller ass throws in college football history. But they didn't, so here's the the Bush Push.
The game was apparently played in 1978.
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Oh also, we have the Zybrid (from Z.W. Martin):
USC used to be the saddest Saturday of the year for me as a kid. Eight straight losses. Nine out of ten. The Trojans were Sisyphus’s rock. Just when you thought you’d gotten to the top, there would be a 4th and 9 completion and a Bush Push [ed- lol holy shit just wrote about all of that], and the rock would tumble to the base of the mountain.
But it would not last. USC, the shining beacon, would take a fall itself. After this Saturday, Notre Dame will have beaten the Trojans three in a row and seven in ten.
Watching the program that ruined your childhood Saturdays, an unstoppable force of Heisman winners and national championships, become just another program from California has been the schadenfreude my dark heart needed as the Irish fall shy of anything meaningful. [ed- haha]
Maybe one day Notre Dame will win a Heisman or a national championship (probably not), but, for the first time in my life, I can say with glee, “At least we’re not USC.”
Yeah -- you're not.
Penn State (10) at Iowa (17): Well, that sucked.
that game was nearly impossible to watch and yet...... I couldnt take my eyes off it— courtney (@cbomb12) October 5, 2019
Iowa's defense has kinda stood its ground. The offense looks like it's posing for a chalk outline.— Marc Morehouse (@marcmorehouse) October 5, 2019
Great, it's Shitty Road Nate Stanley and Conservative Road Kirk Ferentz, together in moral victory forever.— Cheese Mountain Pizza Eater (@PV_GIA) October 5, 2019
Theyre doing it the right way (losing).— Tinker Tailor Solider Mike (@MJ_GIA) October 5, 2019
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I saw someone ask this question:— Rick Webster (@TheRickWebster) October 6, 2019
Ranking Ferentz Era QB:
Seems pretty sound to me? Though my fandom just misses the Banks era, I know my history enough to know he ruled. Should Tate almost be separated into two players? Sophomore Tate vs. upperclassman Tate? Maybe Rick at No. 3?
* * *
It's one thing to be shitty, but it's a whole 'nother to actually write your shittiness down and send it out into the world.
my teammate got this in the mail today, and tbh Im at a lost for words.. I also have locs, Tats, and NFL dreams too, these messages can not be tolerated, this was extremely inappropriate, racially biased, and selfish to feel like you even have a right to send this message #WeAre pic.twitter.com/DPTp9Km9yt— (@CjHo1mes) October 7, 2019
Your US Mail privileges have been revoked, sir
The good thing is it seems to have been handled incredibly appropriately since. Even James Franklin came out of this looking competent. So bravo, Penn State -- you did it once.
Louisville at Wake Forest (19): How do you make jokes about undefeated Wake Forest when you know nothing about Wake Forest football? Who's your QB -- Tim Duncan?! lolololol
Florida (7) at LSU (5): This game should be cool but some how feels bad. LSU is gonna win and that's it, right?
Hawai'i at Boise State (14): Boise State stealin' that UCF energy and only becomin' stronger.
Wrapping It Up...
Can we hire this person for individual contract work?
He's coming, man.
Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.