The Hybrid: When Fake Death Wishes Get You In Trouble

By Bobby Loesch on November 7, 2019 at 12:00 pm
WHAT A LIFE THIS IS
© David Banks-USA TODAY Sports
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The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate

So I got banned from Twitter this week.

My buddy Ricky wrote a piece called "Chicago sports are trash right now", and in it, he had this doozy of a line about my beloved Chicago White Sox:

The biggest contract the team has ever handed out is $68 million.

Now, though I am a mostly lapsed baseball fan these days, seeing mathematical proof owner Jerry "Baseball is American" Reinsdorf never broker the 100 million mark for a player left me real, well, #triggered.

So I quoted that line in response to the article and added a very flippant "OK, the White Sox can all the way go die" remark. Was I actually wishing death on the franchise or anyone involved with it? No. It was symbolism!

HE WAS MAD

So I did what most people do after wishing fake death upon an institution: forgot about it immediately and left to play basketball. A few days passed, and then, Wednesday morning, I got an email from the Twitter overlords.

Hi Bobby L.,
Your account, @bobbystompy has been locked for violating the Twitter Rules.


Specifically for:
Violating our rules against abuse and harassment.

You may not engage in the targeted harassment of someone, or incite other people to do so. This includes wishing or hoping that someone experiences physical harm.

So, to get unlocked, I had to delete the tweet (fine), give them my phone number for account verification (seriously?), and agree to not tweet, DM, or like anything for an additional 10 hours. Then Ross had a tweet making fun of Nebraska basketball, and I forgot what I agreed to, liked it, and they added an additional two hours to my suspension. It does not pay to mess with the bull.

Or, in my case, the Bulls' owner.

So, to tie this into college football, a sport which we can all agree is based around hate more than love... do we think it's no longer acceptable to wish 'death' on teams or franchises? I poked around my timeline before finding this (not reported for abuse) classic.

As we reach the stretch run of the CFB season, may Washington and tOSU die a thousand deaths, Urban Meyer eat pizza, and hate hate hate.

Also this (after Iowa beat tOSU and everyone was like "Joke's on you, Iowa fans -- now there won't be a Big Ten team in the postseason!")

Beside myself with this “no Playoff” narrative. Y’all. We don’t care if our enemies succeed; same people we wish a thousand deaths on.

Other things I've wished (sports) death on over the years:

That's it. We're all prone to hyperbole, right?

I will say I did try to look inward. In all honesty, I think I'm done with with death, a thousand deaths, and, probably my favorite, the Jay-Z lyric "DEATH TO Y'ALL" to these punching bags of (sports) hate. Death is too black and white anyway when you're seeing so much red.

So the 12 hours passed, and I got back on to deliver takes the world never needed, all over again.

Promise it wasn't a subtweet (but it woulda been a really good one).

The Hybrid

“Sometimes you walk around boring places and you feel like the most exciting thing in it.”

Tuesday

No.

Wednesday

Meh.

Thursday

Noooooo.

Friday Night Lights

Washington at Oregon State: I know I spend a lot of time in these parts talking about how we should all want Iowa State to be better, because it makes the rivalry with Iowa look more legitimate. As a Wazzu fan, it goes quite the opposite with Washington. Fuck them. They are 5-4 with two road games prior to the Apple Cup. Is bowl eligibility potentially up in the air? As a biased Twitter bad boy who shouldn't be trusted... I say yes.

Saturday

Maryland at Ohio State (1): Had a real "WHY EVERYTHING THIS WAY" moment Tuesday night when I realized tOSU was No. 1 in football and Michigan State was No. 1 in hoops*. College sports were not built for me.

This game, however... this game was not built for anyone. It's almost more annoying than it would be if it was Rutgers on the other side. There are some minor stakes, however. This is the last week of the regular season in my college fantasy football league, and my team (Nate Stanley led... /shudder) is fighting for a playoff spot. So we picked up some Maryland WR named Carlos who we're hoping can rack up some yards in garbage time. Go Carlos.

(* - before losing to Kentucky; baaaaa-hahahahaha)

Penn State (4) at Minnesota (17): Gave major* thought to going contrarian and making this the Game of the Week. Though I won't, here is why it's good:

- PSU wins, and we rid ourselves of unbeaten Minnesota

- Minnesota wins, and we rid ourselves of unbeaten PSU... and the Minny thing gets, dare I say... funnier? And then we get a crack at them next week

(* - less than five seconds)

Baylor (12) at TCU: These Baylor Bears. We're one more dub away from Oklahoma. Then it shall be sleep no more. Also, in honor of the reunion.

Michigan:

/picks a random Wilco song to represent Michigan football

lol, this was wayyy too damn easy

East Carolina at SMU (25): Well, our Ponies lost to Memphis despite scoring 48. Turns out you can't give up 54 when you do that.

I like to think SMU got the last laugh.

In all reality, they did not -- it's all over.

Purdue at Northwestern: "Purdue Defeats Northwestern After Late TD Pass By Their 84th String QB."

Florida State at Boston College: Not all heroes have jobs.

* * *

Also totally forgot about Squintson. Significantly better times.

LSU (2) at Alabama (3): The one upshot to tOSU taking the No. 1 ranking is it f's up all the promo for our actual Game of the Week. No. 2 vs. No. 3?! Who's even heard of this, /checks notes... Alabama football team? Well, I never.

Haven't looked up the spread but making this pick assuming Tua is going and is functioning somewhere between 60-100%... LSU, baby. It just feels like their year. Touchdown-ish spread be damned.

Also: love how Nick "AH DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS AN ELECTION DAY BECAUSE ALL I DO IS COACH AND EAT LITTLE DEBBIES" Saban was quick to welcome 45 for the visit this weekend. Not sure what else he can do in that spot other than promote unity, but god damn, man. How do you look your players in the eye? Oh, you don't.

Illinois at Michigan State: This really might be my bronze medal Game of the Week. 

That was from Sunday. It's somehow -14.5 now. I have to bet. Do we really think Sparty can stop... DONNY DERANGEMENT?!

That's right -- and I don't even care if it was Rutgers. That catch was damn sick.

/beaming with pride

DONNY DERANGEMENT

banner banner banner banner

Iowa (18) at Wisconsin (13): KF has jokes.

On jokes.

Remember when we thought this would decide the division? Minnesota is our god now.

Appalachian State at South Carolina: 

* * *

Also, remember that Michigan-Appalachian State basketball game I told you about? You don't? Well, whatever -- here's what happened: M was up a legit 30 points before Appy State cut it to less than, like, 8 with a few minutes left. It was horrible. I do not know why they continue to play this school in anything.

Clemson (5) at NC State: Clemson Tom is back, with a Power 5 game for his Tigers.

I’m not gonna sit here and brag about us beating the absolute dog crap at Wofford [ed - wonderful pun though!]. I’m also not gonna sit here and brag about how bad we are going to beat NC State. Even though I think Dave Doeren is the worst head coach in college football. Nope -- not gonna do it.

What I will say is: y’all better buckle up for the rest of the college football season. Clemson was left out of the Playoff, and is currently sitting at No. 5. Now, I understand these rankings are all about money. Ohio State still has to play Penn State, and Alabama still has a play LSU. But, to be quite honest with you, these rankings are complete dog crap [ed- more dog crap?!]. When Alabama and LSU play this weekend, one of them will drop out of the Top 4, and Clemson will be slotted in. Now, that being said, the committee will not have just one SEC team in the final four. They will do whatever it takes to have two teams in the playoffs.

So buckle up...Clemson is coming. Don’t stay on the track when trains come through. Or something like that. Whatever -- just know we’re dealing out ass kickings.

* * *

Counterpoint: it is imperfect.

Nebraska: I know y'all hate me never getting jokes off on Nebraska (because I do not hate them), but let's try givin' it a shot this week.

Nebraska basketball and football trying to outdo each other:

...eh?

As always, outgunned by Ross.

Notre Dame (15) at Duke: Still no Z.W. Martin. Doesn't the air feel fresher?

Oh come on, Virginia Tech.

Iowa State at Oklahoma (9): Got nothing -- so let's head right down to the uplifting end.

Wrapping It Up...

Solidarity.

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

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