The Hybrid: Flyovers Are Lame And Pointless

By Bobby Loesch on October 22, 2020 at 12:00 pm
Flyovers? More like borophyll.
© Mickey Welsh / Advertiser via Imagn Content Services, LLC
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The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate

This year needs a reset, and if we're really going to have a Hybrid, I want my doctrine clear and laid out.

- Fuck flyovers

Does anyone else's heart sink when they hear there's going to be one? Shit, that's the last thing you hear. Imagine if we all gathered around to watch one car go by really fast and loud for, like, 18 seconds.

/realizing this actually appeals to a lot of people

/concedes being a genuine fan of the "Fast and Furious" movies

Ugh, let's get to the next one.

- It's Go Hawks, Go Blue, Go Cougs until the wheels fall off (they'll fall off)

If you are a first-time reader, I grew up a Michigan/Washington State fan (will answer any follow up questions in the comments) before attending Iowa and creating an unholy trinity of fandom where every team perpetually disappoints in completely different ways. It's pretty fun*.

(* - not fun at all)

- From now on, every single college football coach will be assumed massively guilty until proven innocent

No more "Leach is a pirate! Gundy has a mullet! Dabo dances!" Nah, fuck that. We're going to need a lot more than easy gimmicks before any of these millionaires get praise in this space. Way, way too much has happened.

- Kneeling is an appropriate peaceful protest, shut up forever

If you don't get it by now, I'm nearly positive you never will unless there's some super exposure in your future.

Ohhh, Phil.

- This is a Drew Bledsoe house

- With a Clinton Solomon garage

- Charles Woodson is one of the only good things

- The new MGK is filthy sick

- RIP, Chadwick Boseman

- Vote

- Fade routes = /chef's kiss

Even gives those bozos some style.

* * *

Last year, the final column was titled, well...

I know a non-deranged person would end this with a bit about perspective and appreciation, but, yeah, no: this sport, as constructed, should not exist, and I stand by every word. But we still choose to do it. So let's damn do it.

The Hybrid

"You're dead twice."

Thursday

N/A

Friday Night Lights

Illinois at Wisconsin (14): The (shitty) Big Ten is back, baby! Not even Barry can temper the excitement.

Illinois, we have a little something for you, too.

Saturday

Syracuse at Clemson (1): Clemson Troll, err Tom, is back with us for another season. Although he's kinda in the middle of his already.

So, it looks like we're back to doing weekly previews for college football. I don’t know about you guys, but this whole year has been a complete disaster.

I'd like to touch base with my Clemson Tigers, who are once again undefeated and ranked No. 1 in the country. However, let’s not discuss those guys just yet because they play Syracuse on Saturday... and we all know what’s going to happen there.

Can we please take a moment and laugh at the Big Ten who thought they would be the leaders of college football and cancel the season thinking everyone else would follow? You idiots obviously don’t understand how college football works. You are a third tier program behind the SEC and ACC. All you have is Ohio State, and everyone else is pretty much garbage. Honestly, the Big 12 is a little bit better than you.

I'm glad you guys were so concerned about everyone safety that you waited a few months to make sure that it is officially safe. Meanwhile, nothing ever really happened [ed- what.]. The only reason you're starting to join college football is because you realized your mistake, and you realized everyone else is taking the extra precautions in order to have this college football season. You weren’t leaders -- you’re idiots.

I don't know what else to say in this Week 1 being back, but I will say everyone else has been enjoying college football except for the Pac-12 and Big Ten. But, then again, no one ever really watches the Big Ten or Pac-12, so it’s life as usual for the rest of the country.

A rule in the South: if Waffle House is still open, it's not a real emergency.

Nebraska at Ohio State (5): Similar to last year, I will not be following tOSU in any capacity this season, so y'all will have to fill me in (note: do not fill me in). What I know: Fields back, Dobbins gone, still the conference favorites now and forever. That said, the national stage is a different beast.

Our boys didn't do so hot in the Playoff.

Also, everyone knows pizza is the food to mock the Buckeyes, but I'm now ready to add Mountain Dew as their official beverage.

Speaking of Ohio + healthy eating, the MAC football season is cancelled, so we can throw this here.

* * *

Nebraska, it's time to bring him back.

NC State (23) at North Carolina (14): Seems cool at first... but no.

Kansas at Kansas State (20): You (probably) know Kansas is winless, but some minimal research also made me realize the Wildcats got upset in Week 1 by Arkansas State.

Georgia Southern at Coastal Carolina (25): Coastal Carolina ranked? Sure.

Auburn at Ole Miss: Kiffin, for all his faults, stays so true to himself at all times.

Sore winners and sore losers are usually rough, but boasting losers are always welcome. Also welcome: Demon Clowney.

This really happened less than a year ago.

Florida State at Louisville: Bobby Bowden is hopefully 70,000 spots below me in the world Bobby power rankings). Not a huge fan of dudes who spend their entire lives learning nothing and being completely unshaped by direct experiences.

Louisville seems to be headed in the right direction, though.

Rutgers at Michigan State: The good news is Sparty could be closer to the Rutgers tier (hole?) than the actual elite of the conference.

But that's a Michigan blogger -- and Dantonio = he gawn. Let's go right to the source.

It's 2020. Have fun with that.

Oklahoma at TCU: How are you dead already, Sooners? You're supposed to be my fake team who is actually good. College football does not relent.

Florida Atlantic at Marshall (22): Marshall has three wins but a maybe more impressive two postponements.

Alabama (2) at Tennessee: My criteria for linking this clip is as low as about anything we've got going.

Stay away, Sabes!

The silver lining is Tennessee has fabric to spare.

Speaking of spared.

* * *

Longtime readers of The Hybrid know I'm an absolute sucker for a backup QB narrative (Vandenberg's close loss to Ohio State in 2009 still makes my heart flutter), and Alabama's dismantling of Georgia -- the only full CFB game I've watched this year -- had me completely piqued. I know Mac Jones is the entrenched starter now, but he wasn't when thrust into the Auburn game last year (a 48-45 loss). Dude can absolutely sling:

Tua will always beat out Jones in overall coolness, but did you know Mac was actually Mike?

Yes, the McCorkle erases nearly all progress. Maybe it was missing the NBA or drinking All Day IPAs, uh, all day, but I started to put together this thread:

You're leaving already? No, hear me out. So Tua is outwardly dope and was pretty much always supposed to be The Guy from Day 1 (his national title against Georgia = LeBron's high school coverage). So, in a way, anything he did was more expected vs. outwardly impressive or surprising. Mac Jones, although also a 4-star recruit, was ranked 163 to Tua's 53. That's a chasm at a school like Alabama. I'm only half-kidding. He also had to wait longer for his opportunity (a later-bloomer... like Jimmy). Even though both dudes turned out pretty awesome, the ways they got there still shapes everything for me.

Notre Dame (3) at Pittsburgh: Even minimally following this sport, I am very aware ND Nation beat Louisville 12-7 last week. I hate them.

Iowa State (17) at Oklahoma State (6): I'm over the ISU punt return memes (mostly) but not nearly over "The Last Dance," so this makes the cut.

Penn State (8) at Indiana: 

I jokingly answered Tim "Play4Brew" Brewster, but isn't who you wouldn't want to play for such an easier answer? I can immediately point to Franklin, Harbaugh, KF, and Fleck as my hell fucking no candidates. I'm thinking Ryan Day, honestly. At least I'd get to be in the NFL in college.

Houston at Navy: If I ever somehow caught a punt, it would for sure go down like this.

Just more yards to be had, offense! Go get 'em. Also, don't sleep on the slo-mo replay from the alternate angle.

Iowa at Purdue: /KF opens private browsing

Georgia Tech at Boston College:

Let's keep walkin'.

Kentucky at Missouri: 

/refuses to glorify coaches refuses to glorify coaches refuses to glorify coaches refuses to glorify coaches refuses to glorify coaches 

South Carolina at LSU: LSU, I promise you, mentally, I am still very much right here.

The problem is the world, and you, are actually now here.

Michigan (18) at Minnesota (21): Put it right into my veins, eyeballs, and mouth.

Planning to watch this outside with some of my wife's coworkers. I'll be a hateful little ice block ranting to strangers before Week 2 of this shitshow even gets here.

Maryland at Northwestern: Was doing my Big Ten only college fantasy draft last night and totally forgot (never knew?) Indiana's Peyton Ramsey transferred to Northwestern. Dare I say this could be interesting?

Our team is a weird disaster. We accidentally took two QBs within our first four picks. Only one can start.

QB: Adrian Martinez (Neb) / Joe Milton (Michigan)
RB1: Northwestern's RB2
RB2: Northwestern's RB3 (yeah, I know)
WR1: Rondale Moore
WR2: Ronnie Bell
WR3: no idea
TE: Ohio State TE1
K: Minnesota's
D/ST: /gulp ... Indiana

Funny backups: Tua's brother, Shaun Beyer, Zack Kuntz

Team name? Moore Cowbell, Kuntz. That's a triple entendre, yo.

Moore Cowbell

One other wrinkle: the league voted to do a Premier League style regular season, where there are no playoffs and the best record after we all play each other wins. Someone is going to have this wrapped up in a few weeks, or we're all going 4-4. No in between.

Cincinnati (9) at SMU (16): Year, like, 27 of still having to use this to spell Cincinnati.

Me, the only person on the Internet to watch that video.

Texas State at BYU (12): The relief I just got, getting to the bottom and not having to worry about some 1 a.m. Wazzu game that will cement a probably awful day.

Wrapping It Up...

Let's all be rude engineers this weekend.

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

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