The Hybrid: I Teach, You Reach

By Bobby Loesch on October 29, 2020 at 12:00 pm
Looks good from that angle!
© Marc Lebryk-USA TODAY Sports
12 Comments

The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate

Penix, Penix, Penix. Vaginx, Vaginx, Vaginx.

The Hybrid

"Perfect is the enemy of good"

Thursday

N/A

Friday Night Lights

Marshall (19) at Florida International: Eh.

Minnesota at Maryland: Did you notice all the athletes rocking the 0 jersey last week? Did it seem a little off? That's because we've never had it in college football before. Minnesota's Rashod Bateman explained his switch from the No. 13.

Bateman’s number switch is rooted in his belief that racism should be eliminated, which is spawned by personal experience.

Bateman asked coach P.J. Fleck to change numbers to make a statement. “Changing my number to zero is to show zero tolerance for racism,” he said

On the less heavy side of the spectrum:

Two players, both placekickers, have worn No. 100 in NCAA history.

Whoa, so cool.

Both did so as part of centennial celebrations in the 1960s, with special dispensation from the NCAA

Disregard -- no longer cool.

Saturday

Boston College at Clemson (1): Do the right thing, Trevor!

jk leave 100%

We also have Clemson Tom back, but not backing down.

So after reading last week's article responses, it appears I upset some Big Ten fans. Why don’t you guys go cry about it in your safe spaces with your therapy dog or some crap like that? Man up [ed- or lady down], y’all -- it’s football!! Not my fault y'all got all up in your feels, while everybody was playing football.

Here's a tissue for you Big Ten babies!

Meanwhile, my Tigers have Boston College this week, and yes, we’ll destroy them as always. 'Bout to have a Boston sweet tea party [ed- such a good line] over here! I'd trash talk you dummies, but y'all don’t even tailgate for games. As a matter of fact, you're just a bunch of Yankees who miss Tom Brady. Go cry with the Big Ten babies and leave the football games to the South.

The Midwest ain’t football. Stick to hockey.

Georgia (5) at Kentucky: I had a big time Georgia pity party scheduled. The foundational tweet:

Well, that was maybe the knockout punch. The real blocking and tackling came in this one:

...but this No. 5 ranking has erased nearly all sympathy/empathy. They're basically right back in the Playoff. Kirby, come for your medicine.

* * *

Kentucky, the odds are not this impossible.

Memphis at Cincinnati (7): Seriously, what is this No. 7 shit? If they win this game, I vow to actually research them for next week's column.

Michigan State at Michigan (13): Am I ready to blow right past any positive Michigan commentary to further bury Michigan State? You betcha!

So, Sparty had a rough go at it last week. Didn't even start well.

Like, really didn't.

I will say, the game was bizarro watchable. You had the turnover flurries, the "thrill" of Big Ten football being back, and, I suppose, the upset hanging over everything.

Hell, maybe it was ordained.

By the end, everyone looked like this:

There's been a running joke -- pushed by hatin' ass Michigan bloggers -- that Rutgers and MSU should play for The Situation Trophy.

...but someone actually made one!

And I know we gave Mountain Dew to Ohio State last week, but my Spartan friends will be getting something with only slightly more bite.

All of that is, of course, fully negated by this.

Coastal Carolina (20) at Georgia State: Do we like BAD BOYS OF THE SUN BELT or BEACH BOYS more?

The correct answer, as always, is the Stone Cold Stunner.

Purdue at Illinois: They beat us without Rondale. Fuck, man. And they didn't even have this distraction hanging over everything.

I know he's a fake, toy mascot... yet, is anyone surprised?

* * *

As for Illinois, you usually don't see the peak of your season come in a blowout loss in Week 1... but I don't make the rules.

But yeah.

#FreeDonny

Notre Dame (4) at Georgia Tech: Can someone who isn't me look up what offense Georgia Tech runs now? Also, MGK dropped a new video.

I still don't make the rules.

Wisconsin (9) at Nebraska: HE GAWN

Can't ever remember a single game in this column changing narratives so much in a five day span. It went from a semi-roast in Spencer's column last week...

Wisconsin is delightful in its comfort zone: Ranked somewhere between the 8 and 15 spots, playing bullyball with at least 1,600 pounds of offensive lineman on deck, and going somewhere between 8-4 and 10-2. This is the natural and best habitat for the Badger, an animal that needs the constraint and comfort of an enclosed set of comfortable expectations to thrive. 

...to MERTZ MANIA...

...to MERTZ MANIA...

...then there was this short-lived "Can they roll with QB4?!" narrative which lasted only as long as it took for another chunk of the team to test positive. Now, we off. Very afraid this is the first of too many.

tl;dr

and the tl;dc (too long; didn't conspiracy)

UPDATE: But is there hope for a game yet?

UPDATE AGAIN: Of course not.

The GIA audience may have been right: Nebraska was potentially worth hating on this entire time.

Indiana (17) at Rutgers: Is Indiana objectively the most likable football progr'm in the Big Ten? If not, who? They flirt with upsets constantly, notched one vs. Penn State (did he really make it though?), have a super underrated stadium, a QB named Penix, and have the kind of fans who create enough of a market to make a shirt.

All it took was the Rays to hold up their end of the bargain.

Rutgers, conversely, will continue to get no love.

(Unless they keep funny winning.)

Northwestern at Iowa: I would badly like to tap out of this experience.

That's nothing against Petras, really. He feels weighted down by Iowa's recent history. I see the clear talent that is there (size, arm strength, continuity of a multi-year starter). But my fear is he's Stanley 2.0. For sure passable or league average at worst, but unclear on great. And yes, it was only one start, so patience could be our friend... but three years of this?

If you're screaming "But we have no other choice!" at your screen, I hear that. Is there anyone on the bench that interests you?

Texas at Oklahoma State (6): PV turned 40 this week.

I know we are not glorifying coaches -- particularly Gundy -- anymore, but this came from a bygone era when we sure as shit did. I remember being in my early 20s, debating with buddies if we'd still think this is funny we turned 40. Now that I'm in my 30s... it's not even debatable. I'll also always be partial to the way he said "For doing everything right."

"This was brought to me by a mother. Of children."

Also, the guy at the end right after he walks out. This is a front to back watch. Gundy gets applause at the end!

* * *

Texas, it is right here you'll pay for Baylor's sins.

Ole Miss at Vanderbilt: Lane Kiffin continues to personify no chill like a dry ass desert.

Boise State (25) at Air Force: This goes here because he was flying.

Mississippi at Alabama (2): nooooooooooooooo

Don't care if you're the biggest Alabama hater this side of Auburn... Waddle transcended. He was so, so cool. College football is significantly worse without him.

Ohio State (3) at Penn State (18): ...

(the team was Ohio State)

So badly wanted to tweet "HOW WASN'T THIS ME" before realizing that was probably incriminating.

In... significantly more positive news at it pertains to tOSU... my Big Ten Fantasy Football League co-manager (Ohio State fan) hit me up to tell me to watch the below play of a dude we started last week. I was adamant about not watching tOSU in any capacity (unless they are playing Michigan or Iowa or losing by three touchdowns in the fourth quarter of a game), but he insisted this one was worth it. I asked if he would Venmo me $5 if I disagreed. He agreed.

I did not ask for that $5.

* * *

Penn State, it's time to face facts. You got Penix'd. And though we'll all remember the Penixing, I'd like to touch on the end of the first half of last week's game.

But it was so much more than that. The action:

The reaction:

And now, Ohio State's precious little game loses some luster because PSU couldn't hold up their end of the bargain. I feel like a spiteful high schooler hating on the prom king because his bow tie is slightly crooked. But it's college football -- you sometimes have to find wins like they're beers in the vegetable crisper. In conclusion, this is still the Game of the Week*.

(* - I know we didn't have one last week... not sure if it was being out of column shape or there just not being good games... I suppose it coulda gone to Michigan-Minnesota? Whatever.)

Arkansas at Texas A&M (8): Damn, promising season going on for Texas A&--oh, they lost to 'Bama already.

Yeah, it's kind of like that.

Missouri at Florida (10): Damn, COVID aside, promising season going on for Flor--oh, they lost to Texas A&M already.

Munch shit, Mullens.

You might be onto something, MIZ-DIRECTION.

Navy at SMU (22): 

Western Kentucky at BYU (11): OK, hear me out (because this is gonna sound like intentional blasphemy)... is BYU the new The U?

Me: Not sure why they did that.
Announcers: (Slamming the decision.)
Me: Eh, doesn't seem so bad.
Announcer: That's BYU's longest run of the year.
Me: Hahahaha.

Wrapping It Up...

Happy Halloween, y'all.

vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote Penix vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote 

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

12 Comments
View 12 Comments