The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate
Penix, Penix, Penix. Vaginx, Vaginx, Vaginx.
"Perfect is the enemy of good"
Marshall (19) at Florida International: Eh.
Minnesota at Maryland: Did you notice all the athletes rocking the 0 jersey last week? Did it seem a little off? That's because we've never had it in college football before. Minnesota's Rashod Bateman explained his switch from the No. 13.
Bateman’s number switch is rooted in his belief that racism should be eliminated, which is spawned by personal experience.
Bateman asked coach P.J. Fleck to change numbers to make a statement. “Changing my number to zero is to show zero tolerance for racism,” he said
On the less heavy side of the spectrum:
Two players, both placekickers, have worn No. 100 in NCAA history.
Whoa, so cool.
Both did so as part of centennial celebrations in the 1960s, with special dispensation from the NCAA
Disregard -- no longer cool.
Boston College at Clemson (1): Do the right thing, Trevor!
Trevor Lawrence is leaving the door open about his football future pic.twitter.com/pbL9b4Mo6k— ESPN College Football (@ESPNCFB) October 27, 2020
jk leave 100%
We also have Clemson Tom back, but not backing down.
So after reading last week's article responses, it appears I upset some Big Ten fans. Why don’t you guys go cry about it in your safe spaces with your therapy dog or some crap like that? Man up [ed- or lady down], y’all -- it’s football!! Not my fault y'all got all up in your feels, while everybody was playing football.
Here's a tissue for you Big Ten babies!
Meanwhile, my Tigers have Boston College this week, and yes, we’ll destroy them as always. 'Bout to have a Boston sweet tea party [ed- such a good line] over here! I'd trash talk you dummies, but y'all don’t even tailgate for games. As a matter of fact, you're just a bunch of Yankees who miss Tom Brady. Go cry with the Big Ten babies and leave the football games to the South.
The Midwest ain’t football. Stick to hockey.
Georgia (5) at Kentucky: I had a big time Georgia pity party scheduled. The foundational tweet:
Go Dawgs pic.twitter.com/oWCQs0B6ZC— the blair witch house project (@matt_T) October 18, 2020
Well, that was maybe the knockout punch. The real blocking and tackling came in this one:
Yea we know pic.twitter.com/SCtDCuQDDf— Ritvik (@CantGuardRitvik) October 20, 2020
...but this No. 5 ranking has erased nearly all sympathy/empathy. They're basically right back in the Playoff. Kirby, come for your medicine.
Lewis Cine just destroyed Kirby Smart pic.twitter.com/NfLCBU6uqb— Cam Mellor (@CamMellor) December 7, 2019
* * *
Kentucky, the odds are not this impossible.
Memphis at Cincinnati (7): Seriously, what is this No. 7 shit? If they win this game, I vow to actually research them for next week's column.
Michigan State at Michigan (13): Am I ready to blow right past any positive Michigan commentary to further bury Michigan State? You betcha!
So, Sparty had a rough go at it last week. Didn't even start well.
Since the start of the 2018 season, Rutgers had scored 21 points in an entire game JUST ONCE against a Big Ten opponent.— ESPN College Football (@ESPNCFB) October 24, 2020
They already have 21 in the first half against Michigan State. pic.twitter.com/apt1OUmhGL
Like, really didn't.
I will say, the game was bizarro watchable. You had the turnover flurries, the "thrill" of Big Ten football being back, and, I suppose, the upset hanging over everything.
This is why we fought for the Big Ten. For these drive charts. https://t.co/0xJq5KitXa— Unnecessary Roughness (@UnnecRoughness) October 24, 2020
Hell, maybe it was ordained.
By the end, everyone looked like this:
Nothing like playing football in Michigan's U.P. ... eh' pic.twitter.com/5pEXA6tpa9— Gregory Jon (@gregoryjon) October 24, 2020
There's been a running joke -- pushed by hatin' ass Michigan bloggers -- that Rutgers and MSU should play for The Situation Trophy.
The trophy is on the field. pic.twitter.com/rRHQFwYyt6— Seth M. Fisher (@Misopogon) October 24, 2020
...but someone actually made one!
And I know we gave Mountain Dew to Ohio State last week, but my Spartan friends will be getting something with only slightly more bite.
All of that is, of course, fully negated by this.
My dad is on a style pic.twitter.com/j2msXAG1Cq— James (@JamesHarbaughJr) October 25, 2020
Coastal Carolina (20) at Georgia State: Do we like BAD BOYS OF THE SUN BELT or BEACH BOYS more?
Coastal Carolina is the best team in america pic.twitter.com/JDLKwHcjn9— Eric Edholm (@Eric_Edholm) October 25, 2020
The correct answer, as always, is the Stone Cold Stunner.
Purdue at Illinois: They beat us without Rondale. Fuck, man. And they didn't even have this distraction hanging over everything.
I know he's a fake, toy mascot... yet, is anyone surprised?
* * *
As for Illinois, you usually don't see the peak of your season come in a blowout loss in Week 1... but I don't make the rules.
man WHAT happened here pic.twitter.com/eCNxJuFOIJ— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) October 24, 2020
Wisconsin time of possession: 43:28#Illini: 16:32— Joey Wagner (@mrwagner25) October 24, 2020
Notre Dame (4) at Georgia Tech: Can someone who isn't me look up what offense Georgia Tech runs now? Also, MGK dropped a new video.
I still don't make the rules.
Wisconsin (9) at Nebraska: HE GAWN
Can't ever remember a single game in this column changing narratives so much in a five day span. It went from a semi-roast in Spencer's column last week...
Wisconsin is delightful in its comfort zone: Ranked somewhere between the 8 and 15 spots, playing bullyball with at least 1,600 pounds of offensive lineman on deck, and going somewhere between 8-4 and 10-2. This is the natural and best habitat for the Badger, an animal that needs the constraint and comfort of an enclosed set of comfortable expectations to thrive.
...to MERTZ MANIA...
QB Graham Mertz's historic night is done. He broke Wisconsin's single-game completion percentage mark (95.2 percent), tied the consecutive completions record— Jesse Temple (@jessetemple) October 24, 2020
(17) and the TD passes record (5). Quite a starting debut.
...to MERTZ MANIA...
...then there was this short-lived "Can they roll with QB4?!" narrative which lasted only as long as it took for another chunk of the team to test positive. Now, we off. Very afraid this is the first of too many.
and the tl;dc (too long; didn't conspiracy)
UPDATE: But is there hope for a game yet?
nebraska football is a rogue state https://t.co/ZllUXEQDHn— RossWB (@RossWB) October 29, 2020
UPDATE AGAIN: Of course not.
The #B1G has denied #Nebraskas attempt to replace its canceled game against #Wisconsin with FCS Chattanooga, sources tell @ClowESPN and me. Chattanooga had already tested staff and players Wednesday and came back negative. But the game will not happen.— Adam Rittenberg (@ESPNRittenberg) October 29, 2020
The GIA audience may have been right: Nebraska was potentially worth hating on this entire time.
Indiana (17) at Rutgers: Is Indiana objectively the most likable football progr'm in the Big Ten? If not, who? They flirt with upsets constantly, notched one vs. Penn State (did he really make it though?), have a super underrated stadium, a QB named Penix, and have the kind of fans who create enough of a market to make a shirt.
All it took was the Rays to hold up their end of the bargain.
Rutgers, conversely, will continue to get no love.
(Unless they keep funny winning.)
Northwestern at Iowa: I would badly like to tap out of this experience.
IMPORTANT FACTS pic.twitter.com/jrdHXavXNo— HeavensFX (@HeavensFX) October 24, 2020
That's nothing against Petras, really. He feels weighted down by Iowa's recent history. I see the clear talent that is there (size, arm strength, continuity of a multi-year starter). But my fear is he's Stanley 2.0. For sure passable or league average at worst, but unclear on great. And yes, it was only one start, so patience could be our friend... but three years of this?
Spencer Petras is 20 years-old but is already my middle manager.— Bobby L. (@bobbystompy) October 24, 2020
Being a pass catcher in the 2020 Iowa offense. pic.twitter.com/ghFDVl4MOj— Bobby L. (@bobbystompy) October 24, 2020
If you're screaming "But we have no other choice!" at your screen, I hear that. Is there anyone on the bench that interests you?
Texas at Oklahoma State (6): PV turned 40 this week.
Big day, you guys. Been waiting 13 years to use this gif. pic.twitter.com/UuJSjpOzaa— WWF Hall of Famer Ivan BOOlogna (@PV_GIA) October 27, 2020
I know we are not glorifying coaches -- particularly Gundy -- anymore, but this came from a bygone era when we sure as shit did. I remember being in my early 20s, debating with buddies if we'd still think this is funny we turned 40. Now that I'm in my 30s... it's not even debatable. I'll also always be partial to the way he said "For doing everything right."
"This was brought to me by a mother. Of children."
Also, the guy at the end right after he walks out. This is a front to back watch. Gundy gets applause at the end!
* * *
Texas, it is right here you'll pay for Baylor's sins.
This actually happened. pic.twitter.com/9Agwx4V6s9— Zach Barnett (@zach_barnett) October 24, 2020
Ole Miss at Vanderbilt: Lane Kiffin continues to personify no chill like a dry ass desert.
Boise State (25) at Air Force: This goes here because he was flying.
We all agree this replaces Don Beebe forever, right? pic.twitter.com/kQ9DTqXuHu— Bobby L. (@bobbystompy) October 26, 2020
Mississippi at Alabama (2): nooooooooooooooo
CBS reports that Nick Saban told them that Jaylen Waddle is out for the year.— Alex Scarborough (@AlexS_ESPN) October 24, 2020
What a tremendous loss. Wow.
Don't care if you're the biggest Alabama hater this side of Auburn... Waddle transcended. He was so, so cool. College football is significantly worse without him.
Ohio State (3) at Penn State (18): ...
Fan sentenced to prison after threatening to kill college football team https://t.co/MFRyjix3Qm— Maddie Beth Robertson (@maddiebethann) October 27, 2020
(the team was Ohio State)
So badly wanted to tweet "HOW WASN'T THIS ME" before realizing that was probably incriminating.
In... significantly more positive news at it pertains to tOSU... my Big Ten Fantasy Football League co-manager (Ohio State fan) hit me up to tell me to watch the below play of a dude we started last week. I was adamant about not watching tOSU in any capacity (unless they are playing Michigan or Iowa or losing by three touchdowns in the fourth quarter of a game), but he insisted this one was worth it. I asked if he would Venmo me $5 if I disagreed. He agreed.
I did not ask for that $5.
* * *
Penn State, it's time to face facts. You got Penix'd. And though we'll all remember the Penixing, I'd like to touch on the end of the first half of last week's game.
The end of the Penn State-Indiana first half was astoundingly dumb.— Yahoo Sports College Football (@YahooSportsCFB) October 24, 2020
Stevie Scott fumbled when IU could have just taken a knee. Penn State recovered with two seconds remaining, and then missed a 26-yard field goal.
Halftime: Indiana 17, Penn State 7
But it was so much more than that. The action:
this sounded like a truck hitting a parking barrier https://t.co/65TqsJ8Qvu— BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL (@edsbs) October 24, 2020
And now, Ohio State's precious little game loses some luster because PSU couldn't hold up their end of the bargain. I feel like a spiteful high schooler hating on the prom king because his bow tie is slightly crooked. But it's college football -- you sometimes have to find wins like they're beers in the vegetable crisper. In conclusion, this is still the Game of the Week*.
(* - I know we didn't have one last week... not sure if it was being out of column shape or there just not being good games... I suppose it coulda gone to Michigan-Minnesota? Whatever.)
Arkansas at Texas A&M (8): Damn, promising season going on for Texas A&--oh, they lost to 'Bama already.
Cowboys DC Mike Nolan just stopped his conference call with reporters because he had Tobasco sauce on his finger and accidentally wiped his eye— Jon Machota (@jonmachota) October 26, 2020
Yeah, it's kind of like that.
Missouri at Florida (10): Damn, COVID aside, promising season going on for Flor--oh, they lost to Texas A&M already.
Dan Mullen says it's unfortunate NCAA mandated no team activities for Election Day because Florida had to cancel things planned for Tuesday. Says most people have already voted, including himself. "It messes with your preparation."— Dave Matter (@Dave_Matter) October 28, 2020
Munch shit, Mullens.
Not prioritizing the nations responsibility to vote, wanting to fill his home stadium with 90,000+ people in a pandemic then having his team have 30+ Covid cases... lol Dan seems like a great leader.— MIZ-DIRECTION (@theMIZdirection) October 28, 2020
You might be onto something, MIZ-DIRECTION.
Navy at SMU (22):
Western Kentucky at BYU (11): OK, hear me out (because this is gonna sound like intentional blasphemy)... is BYU the new The U?
BYU was up 49-14 in the 4th when they ran this fake punt pic.twitter.com/wXbX2TCpyu— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) October 25, 2020
Me: Not sure why they did that.
Announcers: (Slamming the decision.)
Me: Eh, doesn't seem so bad.
Announcer: That's BYU's longest run of the year.
Wrapping It Up...
Sequel to the theme of Spirit Halloween pic.twitter.com/1PQMYWLLLA— Nick Lutsko (@NickLutsko) October 28, 2020
Happy Halloween, y'all.
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Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.