The Hybrid: Notre Dame Is Worthless

By Bobby Loesch on November 12, 2020 at 12:00 pm
Vomit
© Matt Cashore-USA TODAY Sports
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The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate

Gave real thought to trying to go this whole column without posting the pic you've already seen, but... nah.

A  normal person might turn this into a "ban the fans" column, which, you know, fair.

But honestly, this thing could have happened anywhere. Spin your wheel and pick an SEC school, ACC school, and, yes, a Big Ten school. College students are gonna college student. This doesn't forgive the behavior, but it doesn't make Notre Dame uniquely shitty.

They're uniquely shitty for other things.

With no research:

- Brian Kelly

Just... amazing. If only the university put as much time into prep as their coach did.

- Declan Sullivan (Brian Kelly)

Ten years ago last month.

- They joined the goddamn ACC over our conference?

I know it was an urgency move. I do not care.

- Ian Book

Just kidding, he aight.

- Their balance

- "The alumni network"

Fuck right off. Newsflash, most big schools have a lot of people who went there who now have adult jobs.

- Touchdown Jesus

If you think that is cool, never read this column again.

- The Rudy myth

Movie was, gulp, pretty good.

lol Vince Vaughn

- And, lastly, this guy

Go to the hell I don't even believe in.

The Hybrid

"If it's right to do, it's wrong to wait."

Tuesday-Thursday

N/A

Cancelled

Alabama (1) at LSU: HE GAWN. Coach O escapes 2020 without medicine for this.

Ohio State (3) at Maryland: HE GAWWWWWWN. Kiss my ass, Ohio State. And be healthy, Maryland. And stay healthy, Maryland's social media manger.

Also, thought this was Taulia's performance against just Penn State... and 100% believed it.

Texas A&M (5) at Tennessee: A&M being ranked this high continues to annoy me.

Georgia (12) at Missouri:

Also, I've evolved as a person in many ways but will never, ever, not-in-this-life pass up the chance to make fun of Kirby Smart's haircut.

Lastly, we will not be clowning The Mailman. It's too damn cute.

Auburn (24) at Mississippi State: He sucks.

But this doesn't.

Friday Night Lights

Iowa at Minnesota: Scheduled band practice* for, of course, 6 p.m. on Friday after also fully clearing my schedule for Saturday. Great moves by me all around. All I can tell y'all is two things:

- Called the ass out of that Sparty win last week

- Michigan rocked Minnesota's shit earlier this year, and Michigan sucks

/looks up spread

Us by 4. Aight. We'll be fine. That said, Ibrahim dropped 47 against us in college fantasy football last week (we were of course up, like, 35 going into the late games).

(* - UPDATE: cancelled that/staying home)

East Carolina at Cincinnati (7): I bailed on my promise to research Cincy due to last week's election strife, and though a winner was technically called, there has not been a concession speech from the other side. So, in that spirit, I still will not research Cincinnati until that happens. Not gonna be sorry.

Saturday

Miami (FL) (9) at Virginia Tech: Love seeing The U in the Top 10... but this was also great.

Indiana (10) at Michigan State: I don't know if Indiana has an "I-WHO? / I-U!" chant, but as a certified Hoosier bandwagon driver, this will be my new thing. The dissatisfaction I had with Michigan's L last week was nearly matched with my pride in the Penix Posse.

Coastal Carolina (15) at Troy: What up, boys?

Middle Tennessee at Marshall (16): Marshall is undefeated with no cool games left. Something to track.

Western Carolina at Liberty (22): The Liberty-Coastal Carolina collision course -- final game of the regular season -- is college football's last great story.

Army at Tulane: Take Two at getting GIA into Jon Rhattigan. He did get some love in the local paper though.

Penn State at Nebraska: What's more impressive: Penn State's 0-3, or Nebraska's 0-2 with the Wisconsin cancellation? We must rank these blue blooded failures.

I'm favoring Penn State because their comedy has trumped Nebraska's infinite sadness, but I'm sure y'all would very much disagree with this assertion.

Illinois at Rutgers: oh god

oh... god

Notre Dame (2) at Boston College: no

Ugh, fine. Zybrid (by Z.W. Martin):

ZYBRID

I find cooking for other people to be wildly enjoyable, relaxing, and rewarding. I spent the quarantine trying to improve on my meh cooking skills to something people would want to eat. Saturday, I put on the chef hat for Bobby, as he took in the game on my deck. Petite filets, mash potatoes, steamed broccoli, and roasted brussel sprouts with bacon, red onion, and garlic were on the menu [ed- this food plus the Wazzu game on my iPad = perfection]. I was vibing to the prep work and really had told myself that Clemson was going to win anyway. Cool Zach Luke was a go for the night. [ed- he told me he was 0 out of 10 excited for the game prior to kickoff]

And then Kyren Williams scampered for 65 yards on the first (official) play from scrimmage and COCAINE ZACH WAS BACK, BABY! Woooooo! I yelled something along the lines of "Fuck you, Clemson" at the top of my lungs. [ed- it was so instinctual; like a sneeze] The restaurant across the street all looked up and one, lone, sad voice came back,"Go Irish."

I was a mess after that. 

Did it take, like, all of the Clemson team to get hurt throughout the game? Sure! Do I care? Nah. Notre Dame did something, against a real team, with NFL talent everywhere. Wild. 

Anyway, ya'll saw the game, so we don't have to get into that, but I want to give this dumb program some... love(?) Being a Notre Dame fan is really stupid and bad. Except for lately...

Since 2017
Clemson 48-4-0 92.3%
Alabama 44-4-0 91.7%
Ohio State 41-4-0 91.1%
Notre Dame 40-6-0 87.0%

Their losses (team + final rankings): Georgia (4), Miami (FL) (13), Stanford (20), Clemson (1), Georgia (4), Michigan (18) -- all were ranked, too, when they beat ND. [ed- lol michigan]

Notre Dame and Alalbama are the only two programs that haven't lost to an unranked team in that timeframe.

  • Notre Dame has the longest winning streak in the country (13) 
  • Notre Dame has a 23 game home winning streak
  • Notre Dame has the longest winning streak in the ACC
  • Notre Dame, uh, beat fucking Clemson [ed- with their backup QB, on the road, in OT]

I'm gonna take these positive vibes right into Saturday for the ultimate trap game against a highly motivated Boston College team led by a Notre Dame transfer QB and watch in slow motion as my cocaine heart is once again ripped out of my soul. Good things can only last a few days in college football, fam. 

Circling back to unhappiness even after a Recent Good Thing is the perfect college football mindset.

Clemson is off this week, so I'll put Clemson Tom's reaction to the game here.

I know some of you guys are thinking that I’m upset that we lost Notre Dame. I’m not upset. Notre Dame beat our third and fourth string defense in double overtime. I can only imagine what our starters will be able to do when we meet in December. Also, our second string quarterback, who played the entire game, wasn’t even 100%. You didn’t even beat a full fledged healthy Clemson team. But it could be worse -- we could be Ohio State

Colorado at Stanford: Happy trails.

Also mad at myself for thinking we didn't need David Shaw in our lives.

Arkansas at Florida (6): eh

Oregon (11) at Washington State: Aright, so the Cougs almost blew it but looked sick last week. QB Jayden de Laura, the first true freshman QB in school history, threw for 227 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT and also ran for 43 yards and a TD. He also appears to be certified cool as hell.

I literally have never seen the Chicago Bears do this. Or look like this:

To top it all off, WSU had more rushing yards than passing yards. New era, baybeeee.

Oregon, of course, will be a stiffer test -- Wazzu = 10.5 point underdogs -- and feature an OT so good, Rittenberg thinks NFL teams should tank for him.

Wisconsin (13) at Michigan: BIG NUDE SATURDAY.

Happy to see I was ahead of the "Harbaugh be gone" curve.

It will never get better.

I was talking with some Iowa buddies about it, and there definitely was a "be careful what you wish for" sentiment, but, honestly, I don't want to be Wisconsin. Fuck stability. Give me variance, where it could sometimes work out. Sure, Sconnie probably has a better record than Iowa over the last decade, but I'd take Iowa's best four teams over Wisconsin's (as it pertains to success on the national scale), and I'm not at all sorry to say it. Maybe Michigan can never be the killing machine Ohio State is -- few schools are -- but they certainly can be good enough for a 55-24 of their own at least 1.5 times a decade. Honestly, that's all I'm fucking asking for at this point.

If anyone needs me, I'll be looking for a VHS to fire up Big Nude Saturdays of the past.

Northewestern (23) at Purdue: My Big Ten only college football fantasy is 0-3, and with this season being no playoffs/best record wins rules, we are about officially cooked. Rondale, I've made my peace.

South Carolina at Ole Miss: All -- all -- college football coaches are horrible until proven otherwise (and still are probably horrible).

Wrapping It Up...

See you on the other side of the boards.

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

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