The Hybrid: You Will Lose Too

By Bobby Loesch on November 19, 2020 at 12:00 pm
Sconnie Fullbacks Forever
© Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports
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The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate

Does anyone not want this?

Uh, I guess we gotta include Clemson, but I would be so down.

The Hybrid

“Is there anything you love in life that you engage with seriously that you don't also engage with humor?"

Tuesday-Thursday

But the Western Michigan fake spike from last week was pure chef's kiss.

Postponed/Canceled

Ole Miss at Texas A&M (5): I've had this tweet stuck in my head all week.

Also, A&M needs to get back in action so they can lose and leave us alone.

Actual football content, you say? Sure, have this.

And less so, but also this.

Some real distance.

Texas (22) at Kansas:

Friday Night Lights

Syracuse at Louisville: You know, I'm really not sure I ever knew this happened.

Purdue at Minnesota: A lot of "tree falls in the woods" to unpack with this one.

Saturday

UCLA at Oregon (11): The Ducks took out my Cougs last week, but I'm ready to roll with them the second this Indiana thing ends.

Indiana (9) at Ohio State (3): Speaking of, we need to glorify the Hoosiers while there is still time. Also, fuck the spread: Game of the Week.

That's right, we demand perfection.

This tweet reminded me of when my brother-in-law snapped a pic in downtown Indy after the Pacers won their first series in the NBA playoffs (in a while), and the lettered sign said "SECOND ROUND AHHHHH".

So yeah, may it stay this way forever.

UPDATE: He found the pic.

Clemson (4) at Florida State: Clemson Tom is back off the bye, but a once great rival isn't giving him the juice it used to.

Well, coming back off of by week. No more coronavirus for our star quarterback, but we still have some injuries on the defense. You would think going in to Florida State week, we would have a little bit more hype and a little bit more piss and vinegar. However, FSU is going to be playing their third string quarterback, and Bobby [ed- can confirm] has taken more snaps of quarterback than this clown. I saw Vegas has Clemson as a three touchdown favorite, and I’m gonna go ahead and tell you to put every ounce of hopes and dreams and money into Clemson -21. I usually get a little bit more hyped for this game, but Florida State has fallen from the graces of football so badly that it feels bad to even make fun of them. It’s legit not even funny to make fun of someone so unfortunate when it comes to life. Y'all say a quick prayer for Florida State.

Florida (6) at Vanderbilt: Go away, Florida.

Appalachian State at Coastal Carolina (15): I swear this game got cancelled, but maybe that was Coastal's game last week. Also, ESPN says the lowest ticket price -- yes, ticket price -- for this one is $164.

Illinois at Nebraska: How Illinois was spared from this, I do not know.

Scott, how does that make you feel?

Same, Scott. Same.

Michigan State at Maryland: Gonna guess the spread on this is Maryland by... 18?

/looks up spread

5.5!!!!!!!!!

/tries to bet on Maryland

My app doesn't have that game. Weird.

(EDIT: This game is canceled. -- RB)

LSU at Arkansas: This is all so awful.

Is anyone out there ever, ever willing to do the right thing?

North Alabama at BYU (8): BYU proved two weeks ago they are not to be fucked with.

"Sure, that was one cool play, but--"

No, I'm telling you:

Do they have a shot at this thing? More importantly, do we care? Suppose it could lead to me getting to say "The chocolate milk will be flowing in Provo tonight!" more, and I'm not sure that's ever a bad thing.

Cincinnati (7) at UCF: You know the deal by now.

Wisconsin (10) at Northwestern (19): The best part about losing to Wisconsin -- and there really is nothing "good" about losing to Wisconsin -- is being absolutely sure they will lose down the line too. With Ohio State, you never have that guarantee, so you are made to feel like a lesser progr'm. With Wisconsin, you know they might have escaped the room, but they are not going to get out of the building. Wisconsin, you are us. You just lasted longer. That type of hate is the best. It's what college football is all about. So yes, get your shots off now.

I'll be there. Always am.

Iowa at Penn State: 

This season in a nutshell.

Eh, this was pretty damn cool. But not as cool as this.

Too cool.

Less cool but more helpful.

Less helpful, but more sadly dead on. Still, streaks are something to hang your hat on. Last week was a good week. Let's keep Penn State's goose egg goin'.

Kentucky at Alabama (1): Tide fans, y'all waited two full weeks for this? Yeah, have fun.

Tennessee at Auburn (23): College football does not miss you at all, Tommy.

Oklahoma State at Oklahoma (18): Bedlam always makes this column because it has the coolest rivalry name.

Missouri at South Carolina: (said with no empathy) He gone.

Michigan at Rutgers: In prime time. This sick joke continues.

Let it be known I'm full steam ahead on Michigan going for Matt Campbell after this season -- or this very second. How about that? Yeah, that.

Also, we will be doom scrolling through my Twitter timeline. Buckle way the fuck up; this is a lot.

One of the good ones:

Also solid/cosmically true:

/nods solemnly:

(and yeah, that's a soup emoji movement you're seeing; I'm going to say that again: a soup emoji movement for Matt Campbell)

Seems more likely than not:

This could've been worse (they could have had a shot with him doing his dumbass headset/fake big nose under-the-mask thing... it's seriously like he's trying to get fired):

A decision aging like fine wine:

Out of anything I'm posting here, this is the one that stuck with me the hardest:

Hahahahahahaha--/laughing turns into sobbing:

It's not a talent thing... it's a scheme and spirit thing.

Rutgers couldn't pull that spread off, but it was a fun discussion for a few hours:

/anger level rising

/ALSO NOT IN A GOOD PLACE

A tough sequence:

Optimism...

...for Rashida Tlaib!

In all seriousness, right now, the program's biggest leader feels like an Illinois high schooler currently playing in Florida (because that's a sentence we all have to make sense of in 2020).

That's five-star QB recruit J.J. McCarthy. If he sticks with the Wolverines through all this, he really might be the savior.

Really?! I was trying to end on a note of hope.

Arizona at Washington: The Huskies are out there, already earning it.

USC (20) at Utah: Really starting to fall in love with very fraudulent USC. I mean, who cares about anything anymore?

Washington State at Stanford: Loesch v. Shaw, Round 38.

Wrapping It Up...

Wisconsin football, I vow to let you burn.

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

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