The Hybrid: Doom Boy

By Bobby Loesch on September 16, 2021 at 12:00 pm
Spencer, Chillin'
© Reese Strickland-USA TODAY Sports
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The Hybrid is a weekly Big Ten football preview, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate

OK, of course, rolling Iowa State was good.

Yes, that good.

But.

But?

But.

Annnnd, there it is.

Sure, there are the counters to the counters: we never had to show much on offense, and the drives were short because of our awesome punter/domination in the field position battle. And the plusses are big plusses: stout defense, sound coaching, galactic punting (again), relatively healthy, strong running game*.

But I can't do it anymore.

Y'all. Spencer Petras is at 50% completions (5.2 yard average). He took two different sacks to push Iowa out of field goal range. Listen, I also wanted the Year Two bump with him as a starter, but it's hard to shake the feeling he is who he is: a big, strong-armed, great high school stats, coachable... tantalizingly pedestrian Big Ten QB. 

Now... I do not know enough about our backups to say "BENCH PETRAS NOW KIRK NOWWWW", but I'll simply ask two questions:

1) Who among us would be opposed to Padilla getting a few snaps a game?

2) Do you think Petras will be the primary reason this team does not potentially scrape its ceiling?

I'm not alone:

As Spencer Petras goes, so goes Iowa football's offense (and season)

- No. 5 Hawkeyes looking for more consistency from offense

The problem is, as fans, we say dramatic things like "Ugh, he sucks"... but then he gives us this:

/puts on galaxy brain thinking cap

But I'd argue this is what makes him worse (long term).

That's the shit that keeps him on the field and entrenched in the position I'm not sure he deserves: undisputed QB1 for the No. 5 ranked University of Iowa Hawkeyes football team.

I didn't want to go Jay Mariotti and write this during a week of such good vibes. Especially because the schedule is lining up for him to (hopefully) have a nice little run. I could've waited for Penn State week. I didn't. Because we've got to figure this shit out now, yo.

(* - actually, no, not a strong running game; Goodson was 21 carries for 55 yards [2.6 YPC] with Kelly-Martin at 8 carries for 28 yards [3.5 YPC]; not fair at all because of sacks... but Petras was 7 carries for -23 [-3.3 YPC], haha)

The Hybrid

"Gambling is a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money."

Friday Night Lights

Maryland at Illinois: Really thought I had nothing to say about these two teams before learning Maryland is 2-0. So, here goes: Maryland is 2-0.

Saturday

Nebraska at Oklahoma (3): Why does this game seem cool to me? It should be a blowout's blowout. Is it the Big 12 nostalgia? It is? But I have no nostalgia at all for the Big 12!

New Mexico at Texas A&M (7): /Iowa passing A&M in the rankings

* * *

Eek -- get well, Haynes King.

Cincinnati (8) at Indiana: Yo, this game is cool as hell! Penix has a chance to go HAM and reestablish himself. Root for Penix. Root for what's right. Root for our strength of schedule.

Virginia Tech (15) at West Virginia: Whatever.

Coastal Carolina (16) at Buffalo: 

Hmmm.

Hmmmmmmm.

Michigan State at Miami (FL): Was really ready to do the "I'll be the one to say it, how is MSU ranked over Michigan?!" take before realizing Sparty's two wins were against Northwestern -- who might be reeeeally bad -- and Youngstown State.

Also: my gracious, this caption delivered.

Minnesota at Colorado: 

what

Purdue at Notre Dame (12): ND's start has been so shaky, it's almost better than if they'd already lost one. It's so obviously going to happen, you can almost make plans now. Also: accidentally wrote this game out with ND Nation unranked at first, and that looked much more correct than No. 12.

All of that said: Jack Coan, holy fuck.

* * *

The Petey concert last week was wonderful. He took the stage with a Purdue Boilermakers hat on. The Big Ten/college football angles continue! Raccoon Motel more than delivered as a venue; really love that area of Davenport. Even hit up The Office, which I have hazy memories of being at following a wedding a handful of summers ago. Petey's music was rivaled only by his banter. Intros like:

- "This next one is my least streamed song on Spotify"

- "This song is about grappling with privilege but then squandering it all because you're a piece of shit"

He brought up his TikTok account, like, four times. His drummer had blue hair and a Michael Jordan jersey. His guitarist had a cowboy had and an Iowa belt buckle. He played eight total songs, with his biggest hit in the No. 2 spot. Up was down, I'm telling you. 10/10, would absolutely go again.

Alabama (1) at Florida (11): Game of the Week. Can't find the follow up tweet, but my favorite reaction was "The feeling when you get out of having to do media for the rest of your college career".

...

Ah, yes.

Kent State at Iowa (5): My first ever Iowa football game was September 4, 2004 against Kent State at Kinnick.

/looks up boxscore

Drew Tate passed for 136 yards, Albert Young rushed for 87 yards with a TD, and Ed Hinkel himself had four catches for 65 yards.

/keeps reading

Aw man, Kyle Schlicher! He was the kicker. It rhymes you, see. Such a fun run.

Haha, Tate threw a 99-yard pick six for Kent State's first TD. Worry not, Chad Greenway also had a pick six. Iowa won 39-7. If memory serves me correct, that K-State team was, like, thee lowest ranked in all of college football (either that year or the previous year). Anyway, you know how the whole campaign ended.

(Still had to.)

Also, HD televisions were rolled out in 1997. Cable companies carried it as recently as 2003. So how on earth does a clip from 2005, my freshman year of college, look like it's from 40 years ago? Haha.

Georgia Tech at Clemson (6): A always loved when Clemson Tom previewed Georgia Tech. He never didn't call them nerds.

Rest easy, sweet prince.

Tulsa State at Ohio State (9):

Like, for real? Can't believe I had to find out on my own. If you said nothing to honor my regular season abstinence from tOSU, that's different.

Whatever. I'll find my own content.

Florida State at Wake Forest: Always had FSU at the bottom of my Top 3 rankings of the big Florida schools, but this still kinda made me sick.

Delaware at Rutgers: Rivals has Rutgers at No. 31 in the current 2022 rankings. Related: Iowa State at No. 25... with Iowa at No. 60. That said, it's early. ND is at No. 1 with Alabama at No. 8. It'll... it'll certainly change.

USC at Washington State: Meh. Can't believe I'm giving the meh to Wazzu-SC, but the mighty, fallen, etc. Even the legendary PJ Kendall agrees.

(He was talking about last week's game, but whatever.)

Georgia Southern at Arkansas (20): 

Northwestern at Duke: This, historically, was my Clemson Tom Georgia Tech-Clemson game.

South Carolina at Georgia (2): Bottom left.

Shades of Lane Kiffin's Alabama days.

Stony Brook at Oregon (4): "siri, what is the opposite of Oregon"

Auburn (22) at Penn State (10): Ooh, this'll be a nice one. Silver medal Game of the Week, for Penn State exposure potential alone.

Tulane at Ole Miss (17): Might just change Ole Miss into a tennis section as long as they stay relevant.

/puts on Roger Federer hat

OK, so Djokovic lost in the U.S. Open final as a heavy favorite. He was sad.

/Jerry Seinfeld "That's a shame" GIF goes here

This was one year removed from throating a line judge with a ball and getting ejected from the same tournament (also as a heavy favorite). The good news is he learned his less--

In the end, I'll bet no one learns a lesson.

Speaking of learning, the WTA learned they can be all the way dismantled by an 18-year-old:

More succinct?

Thank you, me.

Rice at Texas: /slaps on worst Boston accent ever

"Why does Rice play Texas?"

My work is done here.

Arizona State (19) at BYU (23): Who is Arizona State's equivalent in the Big Ten? In terms of on field football success. Is it... is it us?!

Iowa State (14) at UNLV: /waves from the balcony

Hahaha.

/don't do it don't do it don't do it

SHADES OF MICHAEL JORDAN GAME 6 UTAH JAZZ

/did it

See, I can enjoy things. And as much shit as Petras got at the top of this, it's important to remember you're never as bad as the worst.

Purdy went 13/27 (48%) for 138 yards, 0 TD, and 3 INT and posted a ghastly QB rating of 16.2. He Austen Arnaud'd the shit out of this game, in other words. That QB rating is the worst of his career by a mile. Remember, he was actually pretty good against Iowa the first time he played them in 2019 -- 24/34 (70.6%), 276 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT. That Purdy was nowhere to be found today. He was harassed by a swarming Iowa defensive front that forced him to rush his throws (especially as the game wore on) and harried him into bad decisions. It was a defense that smothered receivers, smothered the line of scrimmage, and got its hands on several passes, re-directing them harmlessly to the turf -- or into the waiting hands of another Iowa defender. Purdy's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day ended early in the fourth quarter, when he was replaced by backup Hunter Dekkers for the remainder of the game.

Fresno State at UCLA (13): Feel like I kinda somehow forgot Chip Kelly was the coach here. And wait, are we UCLA?!

The Jag Bag

Baa-hahahahahahaha. Nothing will be funnier than debuting with a loss on the easiest game of his schedule.

I STAND CORRECTED -- baaaaaaaaaaaaaa-hahahahahahahahaha.

Wrapping It Up...

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or email to bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

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