Drew Tate's Calgary Stampeders just made the Gray Cup final, winning the CFL Western Division Sunday. During the postgame celebration, Stampeders (and former Iowa Hawkeyes) quarterback Drew Tate was selected for a random drug test. And then magic happened:
In the hallway of McMahon Stadium, just a couple of doors down from the resigned Lions locker room, there was Drew Tate having an animated conversation with The Pissman.
See, doping control pulled Tate’s name out of the hat for drug testing. Calgary’s No. 2 quarterback provided a urine sample to The Pissman, and thought he was done. Au contraire.
Tate’s urine was too diluted. Another sample was required. Tate had post-game plans. There were beers to drink, celebrating to do. And how was he to just magically provide more urine?
“I’ve gotta go,” the 32-year-old Texan told the drug tester.
“I can’t leave your side,” the rubber-gloved Pissman told Tate.
Let's stop here for a second. I know the Canadians have a different dialect. I've watched Bob & Doug McKenzie, after all. But if Canadians really call the drug testing guy "Pissman" as a proper noun, well, I finally have reason to move there.
Back to the story:
A compromise was made. Drew and his new friend left McMahon together. He couldn’t leave his side, after all.
Tate lives close to the stadium. They went back to the house. The refrigerator opened. One California long neck popped, then a second, then another. The free-spirit Texan prefers his brews to have hops and some kick, and so the three Lagunitas IPAs didn’t stand a chance. Once the third beer – with 6.2% alcohol content in each of ’em, no less – was drained, Tate’s head was right and his bladder full.
He and The Pissman returned to McMahon. Another sample provided. Crisis averted.
He even picked a good beer. Drew Tate remains the greatest.