I’d like to thank MechanicalBirdPollution4B for filling for me last week while I was indisposed, and I’d like to shame the rest of you for missing one really obvious joke I left in the column.
Let’s look at how MBP … erm, let’s look at how I did last week:
- Penn State at Maryland: I said PSU 37, Maryland 14; actual score, PSU 31, Maryland 14. I think my really close calls this season make up for my heinous errors.
- Indiana at Michigan: I said Michigan 27, IU 20; actual score, Michigan 29, IU 7. It’s all setting up for epic heartbreak in The Game.
- Illinois at Minnesota: I said Minnesota 24, Illinois 13; actual score, Illinois 14, Minnesota 6. I’m not sure anyone can “fix” Illinois football but Bert is on his way to turning the Illini into Wisconsin Jr.
- Ohio State at Nebraska: I said aOSU 54, Nebby 20; actual score, aOSU 26, Nebby 17. It could be the case that aOSU is worse than expected and Nebraska is improving, though neither one to the degree that it can show up in the W-L column.
- Iowa at Northwestern: I said Iowa 17, jNWU 9; actual score, Iowa 17, jNWU 12. You can’t go wrong guessing that Ferentz will turn into a fragile porcelain mouse once he’s up two scores.
- Michigan State at Purdue: I said Sparty 41, PU 27; actual score, PU 40, Sparty 29. It’s not just us that gets Belled, y’all.
- Wisconsin at Rutgers: I said UW 30, DORKS 12; actual score, UW 52, DORKS 3. Close enough.
I don’t have a pithy intro in me today because I spent all of yesterday in the car, so we go straight to the games.
RUTGERS AT INDIANA (11 AM CST, BTN, and God alone knows why)
The Pride of South-Central Indiana 24, East Coast Safety School 20
#6 MICHIGAN AT PENN STATE (11 AM CST, ABC)
It has all the makings of a lost season for the Nits, a team for whom 7-5 absolutely counts as a lost season. Sean Clifford has not led this team to greatness and the Auburn win fades as the Tigers/Bulldogs/Fighting Industrial Engineers continue to look like another very average team living in a good neighborhood. I’m not impressed with them, not at all.
Neither am I impressed with Michigan, which still lacks a signature win. Its season was always backloaded, like every Big Ten contender’s seems to be. The Wolverines feel a bit overplaced at #6 for that reason. But I still think they’re better than Penn State.
Ann Arbor 27, An Also-Ran 17.
NORTHWESTERN AT #18 WISCONSIN (11 AM CST, ESPN2)
We saw with our own eyes how Odd-Year Northwestern this odd-year Northwestern team is, so we know how unfortunate they are to be facing Wisconsin after the Badgers got over their early-season yips. Paul Chryst won’t take his foot off the gas like A Certain Coach We All Know did last week and at least 38 other weeks I can think of just off the top of my head. So it’s all but guaranteed that this will be the game that lets Northwestern fans firm up their Christmas plans to stay home.
Of course, the mainstream media knows all this, but refuses to report it.
Leonhard Part Pick-Six 48, This Fitz Our Pattern 10.
#19 PURDUE AT #4 OHIO STATE (2:30 PM CST, ABC)
The Boilermakers have already knocked off two Top Five Teams. Can they ice a third?
[JEOPARDY! music plays]
… no. No, they can’t.
System of a Down 44, It Was Fun While It Lasted 24.
MARYLAND AT #7 MICHIGAN STATE (3 PM CST, FOX)
Sparty on the rebound is historically dangerous. Last week’s stunner from Purdue was largely David Bell-related, and Maryland just doesn’t have anyone like him. (Then again, outside of Ohio State, who does in this conference?) The East title is absolutely in Sparty’s grasp. All it would take is for the Spartans to beat aOSU next week (certainly possible) and for Michigan to turn around and beat the Buckeyes again the next week and yeah, that’s not going to happen, but a Rose Bowl bid is still within reach.
Can Maryland spoil that? It’s certainly possible; the Terps aren’t bad so much as they’ve been snakebit this season. But I think Sparty holds the line here.
Best Bib And Tucker 42, Who Wears A Bib To A Fancy Event? 23.
And of course …
MINNESOTA AT #20 IOWA (2:30 PM CST, BTN)
Kirk Ferentz does not care for Philip John Fleck Jr. He also does not respect him.
There are coaches whom Ferentz does not care for but also respects (*cough*FITZ*cough*). You can see the respect in the sub-aggressive playcalling. But when The Captain disrespects a coach it’s usually (a) because said coach pushes his brand a little too hard, (b) justified, and (c) obvious.
This will be one of those tantalizing games where, weather permitting, the Hawkeyes will show they do actually know more than three offensive plays.
All the better to set us up for that 1963 special next week between Iowa and Illinois, which may feature as many as five called pass plays.
Keep the pig, boys. A Hawkeye nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
Floyd’s Rightful Owners 30, Row The Boat Over A Cliff 13.
Last week: 5-2 (.714)
Season: 53-22 (.707)
