THE HYBRID: ROOT FOR IOWA STATE

By Bobby Loesch on September 8, 2016 at 2:00 pm @bobbystompy
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Rooting for Iowa State probably goes against everything you think, feel, and believe, but it can lead to nice long term benefits. I've... lost you already, haven't I?

The Hybrid is a weekly preview of every Big Ten game, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate.

Hatred in college football goes more than black and white. Or black and gold and cardinal and gold again.

I never really cared about Iowa State. Not in a "Boooo them!" way, at least. Growing up outside of the state, the rivalry felt somewhat lost on me from the moment I stepped on campus in Iowa City. I'm from Naperville, IL -- a place as void of a college football soul as any suburban town can be -- and there, some people think Iowa and Iowa State are the same thing. They're not trolling; just blending.

Sure, it's easy to grasp the Iowa = Good, Iowa State = Bad concept Hawkeyes like to push...

Lenny = Iowa?

...but outside of that? Meh. I've tried, don't get me wrong. I've heard they mucked up things pretty bad for us in '02. But wasn't what USC did to us worse? I've heard Ames is a dump. But then I went, saw it for myself, and had a damn nice time*. I've heard they treat this game like their Super Bowl -- and I actually agree with that one. But... why is that a bad thing?

Because they throw everything at us! They don't care if they lose their other games! We have nothing to gain and they have nothing to lose!

That, my friend, is why you should root for Iowa State. Outside of this game, of course.

I'm not some highbrow lunatic trying to be a contrarian. Instinctually, I tend to root against all rival teams and experience pure joy from their failures. Ohio State, Notre Dame, Wisconsin, Sparty, Whoever Is Ranked No. 1. Upsets are fun and watching blue bloods fall is what college football -- and basketball -- are kinda founded on. But when the dust settles, you still want something compelling. Week to week failures are fun small picture goals, but Iowa football is good enough again where we need to think big picture. At least somewhat.

Yes, it's easy to laugh at Iowa State after they fell to UNI -- again. -- in Week 1, but it unarguably takes some of the luster off Hate Week. As weird as it is to say, the ideal situation for rivals -- or, really, any team on your team's schedule -- is a loss to your team followed by them (gulp.) winning out the rest of the season. It improves your strength of schedule, adds positively to national perception (of both teams), and maybe puts more of a target on their back in games that don't feature the Iowa Hawkeyes.

Take it from me. I watched Michigan lil' bro MSU my entire life, and it takes a definitive edge off the games when the dynamic is that tilted. Now that the rivalry has flipped in recent years, it's even less fun. Truly great rivalries are somewhat predicated on equally equipped opponents. So keep your license to cheer for Iowa State any time they stumble, but don't judge me for hoping they can positively build the program up long term.

And hell, maybe a decade from now, Illinois yuppies will finally be able to tell the god damn difference.

(* - even though it was this game GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

The Hybrid

"Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." - George Carlin

Thursday

Nothin' (Hello, NFL.)

Friday Night Lights

Maryland at Florida International: Spent too much time clowning Maryland last week to hit them with my favorite Jay-Z line: Was herbin' 'em in the home of the Terrapins.

Annnnd that fills my quota for the year.

Louisville at Syracuse: 

Someone over the weekend was discussing this picture and said it was from a game featuring "high school teams". I wonder if, days later, that MUPHUGGA knows any better.

Saturday

Penn State at Pittsburgh: I historically have been indifferent to Penn State but obviously have soured on them quite a bit in recent years due to the insanity of the local people. That said, I think Joey Julius will be the one to save and unite us all.

On the subject of uniting... suck it, cancer.

Speaking of cancer and sports, that story randomly triggered a memory of the KG vs. Charlie Villanueva feud from six years ago.

The Boston Celtics pounded the Detroit Pistons on Tuesday, and Charlie Villanueva posted messages on his Twitter account that indicate Kevin Garnett may have made it personal.

One of the tweets says: "KG called me a cancer patient, I'm pissed because, u know how many people died from cancer, and he's tossing it like it's a joke."

Garnett is known for his trash-talking on the court. Villanueva suffers from alopecia universalis, a medical condition that results in hair loss. The Detroit forward does not have hair on his head.

[...]

Garnett called the incident "a major miscommunication."

Before the Celtics' win over the Bucks on Wednesday he released a statement.

"My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact 'You are cancerous to your team and our league,'" Garnett said. 

KG with the rawest non-apology in league history.

UCF at Michigan (5): This might end up being an all-time picture 20 years from now.

And speaking of MJ, I did not spend nearly enough time getting Jordan Brand boners from the Nike/Michigan collaboration debut last week.

Everything I love and hate has intersected. Just hook it to my veins.

Cincinnati at Purdue: Hit 'em, Lana.

Lamar at Houston: What I tell you?

Seriously impressive stuff.

Anything else? Ah.

Kick six me.

/exhales

OK, I'm good.

Howard at Rutgers: 

Indiana State at Minnesota: ...

...

Nicholls at Georgia: Nick Chubb had 2 TDs and 222 rushing yards in his comeback game. Hell yeah. Though 32 carries is a lot, no?

Wyoming at Nebraska: People are beautiful.

People are not beautiful.

Charleston Southern at Florida State (3): New Florida State QB = mega cool. Who knew?

/googles

Ah, Rivals knew.

Troy at Clemson (2): Going back to the intro of this column, Clemson and Florida State are what aspiring rivalries should aim to be. These two teams are on a collision course, and it's more than what it's usually been. This year feels like a god damned arms race; talent everywhere, a recent history of even play, QB skillz up the wazoo, and stakes high as ever.

Utah State at USC: 

"Great play!" - BYU

Illinois State at Northwestern: Do y'all remember Jake Kolbe? The ISU (well, what we call ISU where I'm from) QB who threw 2 TDs against Iowa at Kinnick last year in garbage-ish time? Well he's back under center for his redshirt sophomore season with a potent rushing attack and a WR who had a 1,290 yard/15 TD season in 2015. I'm not saying jNW loses this game, but I am saying Kolbe is fuckin' awesome and was the best high school QB I have ever seen in person. Careful out there, Cats.

Tulsa at Ohio State (4): Michigan opened the season throwing a pick before scoring 60+ points in a blowout. Ohio State opened the season throwing a pick six before scoring 70+ points in a blowout.

They just... do everything cooler.

Akron at Wisconsin (10): If I ever got a game sealing pick like this (about a 1 in 63 million chance and aided completely by luck), I am absolutely positive this same thing would happen after.

Man, that was so, so bad.

Nevada at Notre Dame (18): lol

Speaking of ND Nation, colleague Z.W. Martin and I are bringing back The Bet. Each  year, we make a humiliation wager centered around the Michigan/Notre Dame game. Because they didn't play last year or this year, we picked three teams off the rival's schedule and go by point differential. Last year, he had a decent lead going into the last weekend, where I had Stanford and he had Ohio State. If you know anything about the tOSU-M rivalry, you know tOSU won by a million points. I then had to wear pleated khakis for 31 straight days (in 'honor' of Harbaugh's dad fashion and Michigan losing 31-0 the last time they played ND).

It was annoying.

This year, I went with Texas/MSU (mandatory selection since both teams play Sparty)/Stanford off the ND schedule and he selected Sconnie (after the LSU upset; which I never showed have allowed)/MSU/tOSU off the Michigan schedule. If he loses, he has to grow the defensive coordinator's goatee, wear it for the days of victory margin, and dye it black the last day. If I lose? I have to say "I'm a Michigan Man" whenever I introduce myself to people, send emails, txts, tweet, FB, and close The Hybrid for the same amount of time.

Current Standings: Bobby up, +3 (Texas over Notre Dame)

Previously...

2014 (Notre Dame win): The ACT.

2013 (Michigan win): Z.W. writes a love poem to Tommy Rees and sends it to him in individual tweets on Twitter. 

2012 (Notre Dame win): Me dressing as a leprechaun in Ann Arbor during 2013's Notre Dame game

Bobby Leppy

2011 (Michigan win): Z.W. singing Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" at a karaoke bar to mock RichRod's banquet crying -- and Groban finding out about it.

Grobes

Kentucky at Florida: I'd make fun of this...

...if it wasn't so very me.

Western Kentucky at Alabama (1): Lane, we love you, but you lose all revenge swagger when the hashtag doesn't work.

Also, did you guys watch any of USC-Alabama? Not breaking news, but 'Bama looks fucking monstrous. And I'm not just talking about their NFL-caliber defense. The offense looks as potent as we've ever seen in the Saban era. For realsies. RB might be their weakest unit. The WRs dominated, the tight end from the national title is back, and, well, new QB Jalen Hurts is going to be a star's star. He's the QB we've always wanted Alabama to have (but were so, so happy they didn't). The Tide are clear cut No. 1 until further notice.

Wofford at Ole Miss (19): Do we feel bad for Chad Kelly?

Lost ya with the incorrect "your" usage, didn't he? Yeah, me too. Still. That's ice cold, Mia. Telling someone they're out of your league kind of makes you out of everyone's league.

Ball State at Indiana: Indiana QB Richard Lagow, the presumptive heir to the Nate Sudfeld fortune who I have been calling Sudfeld Jr. (and ready to call Dudfeld at the drop of a hat), threw only 1 TD in IU's Week 1 victory over Florida International. That's awfully Dudfeld-like, Dicky boy!

UTEP at Texas (11): So... who all's been there?

The crowd loves us.

Also, the Texas QB platoon will be something to monitor. Especially if Swoopes continues to remain alive after suicide runs like this. 

Arkansas at TCU (15): Eh, kinda.

Iowa State at Iowa (16): First thing's first -- this was terrifying.

Sitting in the stadium and hearing fans boo made me realize crowds will disagree with anything referees do, on principle.

"Holding, on gravity" BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HE BARELY EVEN KEPT HIM DOWN

As for the game itself? Feelin' good about it. I'm interested to see how the defense adjusts to ISU. Specifically what they end up doing with Desmond King in coverage.

On offense, even after just one game, I am Team CJB Does Not Look The Same and officially concerned. The "Is He Fat? vs. Those Are Just Extra Pads!" debate was raging in my section.

BYU at Utah: Sneaky good one. With BYU continuing to do weird dick stuff.

Jacksonville State at LSU (21): PLEASE LES MILES START CARING ABOUT OFFENSE ARE YOU SERIOUS

North Carolina at Illinois: So, so, so hard for me to shake the bloodbath from last year. I suppose we can call it an immediate measuring stick between 2015 and now.

Virginia Tech vs. Tennessee (17): Game of the Week. Fuck you, Tennessee, for dragging ass against Appalachian State and causing a handful of people to txt me Michigan jokes on what should have been a pleasant Thursday night out at a play in Chicago (kidding about none of this).

This is one of the weakest GOTW designations since The Hybrid has existed. First off, no ranked teams play each other in Week 2. Second, the spread is double digits (UT -11.5). The only reason I'm picking it over Week 2's only single digit spread (TCU-Arkansas is TCU -7.5) is the blind hope that Tennessee's performance against Appy State wasn't an aberration, and Virginia Tech can maybe do stuff. Lastly, I have no lastly. The national slate sucks. Watch Iowa-Iowa State.

Washington State at Boise State: You. Youuuuuuu. Wazzu opened their 2016 season just like 2015: losing to an FCS opponent. I am done with this bullshit until some amazing game ropes me back in.

/throws flower pot at the wall, it shatters

/doesn't actually own a flower pot

Virginia at Oregon (24): Oregon is like the friendly ex you see through the glass window at the local coffee shop while walking down the street...

Did she get a new laptop? What's she typing? We didn't really end on bad terms, did we? She looks so good in that new sweater. Maybe I'll send her a Facebook message.

Let's hold off for now.

Grambling State at Arizona: So... how bad was the RichRod loss last week?

/looks up

Ah, the soul crushing field goal with four seconds left variety. Sweet. RichRod, man. As Hawk Harrelson says, if he didn't have bad luck, he wouldn't have any luck at all. And of course it was to BYU. And their weird dick stuff.

Wrapping It Up...

Enjoy Hate Week, friends.

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Go Iowa Awesome. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or e-mail at bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

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