I like pretending that I can be even vaguely objective about the Hawkeyes, but the reality is that that notion is some high-grade bullshit. As much as I try to stay in neutral, I’m really a dopey ten year-old believing in the Hawks “just because” that has encased himself in a metric ton of cynical “let’s assume things aren’t gonna work out” and “please don’t hurt me” scaffolding. Now I’m a long way from the crowd that sees Iowa go three-and-out and says, “See. We suck. Fire everybody and maybe we can scrap by a MAC team in five years, MAYBE” but I can’t just settle in and enjoy the ride. I’m too worried the brakes are going to give out.
In that vein, I forgot just how nerve-wracking these games get when you start to have expectations. It is like there are cocaine-addled butterflies throwing a rager in my gut right before kickoff. While a Hawkeye loss ends the party, a win only means they lay low for a week, saving their energy to get even more crunked the next weekend.
This nauseating feeling manifests itself regardless of opponent. Successful college football seasons stand on the edge of a knife. A single bad game can turn the positive, good trip vibes of a season into Midsommar. And when lofty and fuzzy goals start to come in focus, a loss hurts even more. While most of my anxiety is self-inflicted, the case for Maryland was actually pretty compelling. A mobile quarterback with absolutely stellar numbers and a bevy of speedsters to throw it to? An athletic defense that was short of elite but more than primed to diminish Iowa’s diminutive offense? I was convinced we were headed for Iowa’s first one-score game at minimum and hoping the Hawkeyes got the better of it.
As it would turn out, the arguments for the Hawkeyes were WAY WAY better (Iowa’s defense is awesome, Iowa’s special teams are awesome, Iowa’s offense is not as awful as they have looked, Maryland is an undisciplined, sloppy mess of a team), but early on it didn’t look like it. Maryland got the ball first and peppered Iowa with short throws, getting to midfield thanks to some poor tackling by Iowa. They stalled out after “Lia” missed an open receiver on 3rd-and-one, punting when their 4th-and-one became a 4th-and-6 thanks to a false start.
Outside of a nice screen to Arland Bruce 4.0, Iowa did nothing of note with the ball and punted it right back to Maryland, setting-up the first big play of the day. On third-and-6, while dropping back to pass, Lia became so fixated on the massive bulk of John Waggoner barreling down on him that he failed to take notice of Riley Moss sitting underneath in coverage, lobbing a sad baby duck in the air that Riley Moss gladly cradled into his arms before it hit the ground. With the ball at the 50, we got the Hawkeye standard: just enough offense to capitalize on great field position with a field goal.
Maryland’s next offensive possession was, if not the best we’ve seen against Iowa, certainly the most disconcerting. Save one third down run, it was all through the air, with Lia going 5-of-6 for 70 yards and a touchdown. Lia had unemployed amounts of free time to throw, nonchalantly sitting back and hitting his number one target Dontay Demus Jr. for big yardage on deep crosses in tight windows. Maryland capped the drive off with a play-action pass to Chigoziem Okonkwo on a speed out in which he outran the entire Iowa defense to the right pylon.
Being down 7-3 is not ideal, but it is a deficit our defense is more than capable of overcoming. In a really neato development though, our offense said “We got this” to the defense. Charlie Jones gave them an early leg-up on the drive when he took the kickoff, sliced up the right sideline to the 41, de-cleating the Terrapin kicker along the way with such ferocity that even Charlies Jones’ legs stopped working to admire the hit. From there the offense strutted down the field with the ease of Fonzi punching the jukebox: solid interior runs, a tight end rollout to LaPorta, a laser-beam throw on a seam route to Goodson and a slant to Arland Bruce to set-up the sexiest ugly play in football, the QB sneak for a TD, a drive that gave Iowa the lead and with the offense looking damn good while they did it.
During kickoff, we would get one of the most consequential and gruesome plays of the season. Demus, who had already caught 4 passes for 60 yards in the first quarter, fielded the kick and started running sideways at the ten, looking for an opening. Instead he found a Hawkeye draped across his legs. Instead of going down, Demus stood there, with his legs going in opposite directions and flopping around like Gumby on a patch of ice, fumbling the ball too before collapsing in a lot of pain. In one play, Maryland brutally lost the ball, their best wideout, and their belief they could win all on the same play.
Iowa rubbed salt in the wound two plays later, eight yards out of the end zone, Petras threw a fastball low and away on play-action to Arland Bruce v.4 in the end zone for a touchdown and a 17-7 lead. I don’t need to tell you that a two-score lead is like throwing chum into shark-infested water for our defense, but it also apparently meant that Lia had all of his football skills drained from his body like Charles Barkley in Space Jam. For the rest of the game, he genuinely looked like the concept of football confused him.
On the next drive, while Kevin Warren chattered ceaselessly about absolutely nothing, Lia stepped back, had loads of time to throw and decide to try to thread the needle past Jack Campbell, who was sitting in his zone in the middle of the field. It was more or less the same play Iowa State used against Iowa a few weeks ago, but this time Jack Campbell dropped further back and tracked the ball perfectly, deflecting it to a waiting Jack Koerner like they were volleyball players. On the return, Koerner had the ball chopped away from behind and the ensuing fumble rolled into a crowd of Terrapins. It looked like they were going to come up with it, but somehow Dane Belton got his arm in the fracas and used some unholy magic to come away with the ball.
Iowa punched the ball into the end zone on another QB sneak for a “wait, what happened?” 24-7 lead. While Petras got the credit for the TD, it was set up by a dumb Maryland penalty and the brilliance of Tyler Goodson. The blocking was not great, but no matter. Goodson used his jump-stop, go-backwards and Force-push defenders maneuver along with his lethal spin move to create space and get the ball on a couple of carries to the 1-yard line, and Petra took it in from there.
Two plays later, Lia dropped back again and had plenty of time to psych himself into a bad decision. This time he elected to throw it to a receiver that was completely covered by Dane Belton, who happily hopped in front of the receiver for an easy pitch-and-catch interception. The look of incredulity on Lia’s face afterwards suggested he just then found out other teams are allowed to catch the ball.
Iowa got yet another touchdown off of the latest Terrapin turnover, with compliments to the Terrapin defense whose parade of penalties made the touchdown possible. This time it was old “Neckroll” Pottebaum who ran the ball in for the score for the “oh shit is this really happening” 31-7 lead.
Maryland took a break from turning the ball over to go three-and-out. Iowa’s offense added another field goal and Lia capped the first half off with a Hail Mary interception to Terry Roberts. Thus ended an absolutely ludicrous quarter in which Maryland turned the ball over four times and gained maybe 20 yards while Iowa piled on 24 points, most of those directly from Maryland's miscues.
At the start of the second half, there might have been a few souls in the universe that thought Maryland had a shot at coming back. Even they lost hope when on second-and-22 on Iowa’s opening drive, some poor Maryland linebacker found himself stuck 1-on-1 in man coverage against Tyler Goodson. That guy had about as much hope of covering Goodson as I would. Goodson planted his foot and cut to the middle of the field, getting the pass and housing it for 67 yards, juking the pants off a defender along the way.
The game was a glorified scrimmage for the next quarter-and-a-half. Iowa added another 10 points to their total. Maryland, another seven. Lia also sextupled (!) his interception total for the year with another pick, this time to Kaevon Merriweather. Maryland’s backup even joined the pick party, sending a pass to Iowa reserve safety Quinn Schulte. This game was such a blowout we got to see Deuce Hogan play.
So here we are. Our Hawkeyes are 5-0 and we really have to start applying the term special to this season. While the College Football Playoff isn’t quite the remote possibility it seemed in August, I am too pessimistic to seriously imagine the Hawkeyes playing in it, but if that is your thing, consider this: a loss to Penn State next week probably isn’t a dealbreaker for Iowa’s CFP chances. How nuts is that?
I will say something else that freaks me out: the floor for this Iowa team is and should be a Big Ten West title. Not only is Iowa the best team in the division, the rest of the division is a garbage heap. Every team has at least one Big Ten loss and at least a mediocre offense, but most have two losses and terrible offenses. For context, I honestly think the most talented team in the division outside of Iowa is 3-3 Nebraska. Finishing 10-and-2 should be more than enough for this squad to punch a ticket to Indy. Damn, that is scary.
Random Thoughts
*Let’s hear it for Spencer Petras. He wasn’t just acceptable today. He was downright good. Brian Ferentz’s gameplan called for a heavy dose of throws early. Through the first two drives, Petras was a “blecch” 3-of-7 for 33 yards. After that, he was 18/23 for 229 yards, three touchdowns, and no picks. He throws the kind of deep ball we wish Nate Stanley did. While I’m sure he is going to struggle next week, I’m happy to put my chips behind this dude as our quarterback.
*If we do the same exercise with Lia and take out his touchdown drive in the first half, he went 11-for-23 for 87 yards, one touchdown, and five picks, which is, needless to say, godawful. Now some of that is Lia losing his best receiver and his mind, but watching Lia’s nascent Heisman talk evaporate at the hands of this defense was beautiful. You know what else is beautiful? That this Iowa defense has had nine different quarterbacks see the field against them in 5 games. That is just insane.
*We need to appreciate Caleb Shudak, who waited very patiently for his time to kick for this Iowa squad when he could have transferred damn near anywhere else. His stellar play has gotten buried under the awesomeness of the defense and other special teams players this year, and from the fact that it hasn’t mattered, but he has all of one missed field goal this season and even that was because of a terrible snap from a long snapper that no longer sees the field. If a game does come down to his leg, I have the utmost confidence in him.
*I think this might have been Brian’s best game as offensive coordinator. The Ohio State game was sexy, but that game mostly felt like Ohio State forgot how to cover tight ends. There were bits of everything in this game. Not all of it worked, and that’s okay, but Maryland did not know what was coming and it created those little advantages that let his players succeed. If Brian can start to string together a run of games like this, it would be pretty, pretty, pretty good.
