Following an offseason full of speculation, Matt Campbell made the bold decision to stay at Iowa State, and no one really knows why. He had offers from some of the top colleges in the country, and he allegedly even had some interest from NFL teams. But none of that could pull him from Ames. It is weird, Ames is…not great…why would anyone want to stay there? Their football facilities are meh and their stadium on game day is just five hours of tornado sirens going off. WEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEOOOOWEEEEEEOOOOOEEEEEEE.
I, like many others, was very confused by this, so I talked with some sources in and around Ames and it turns out Campbell actually has a few decent reasons for not leaving. I was not supposed to share this info, as it is top secret, but I am a man of the people and will not let this BREAKING NEWS stay hidden.
Here are the top five reasons why Matt stayed in Ames:
1. The Water
In 2017, Matt Campbell made his entire team read the book “Chop Wood Carry Water: How to Fall in Love with the Process of Becoming Great.” The main point of that entire book? Not sure, but I would assume it is that hydration is key to domination. And what better place to stay hydrated than the home of the best tap water in the country???
Why is their water so watery? Per the Iowa State Daily: “The Water Treatment Plant in Ames receives its water from 22 different wells. Then, the plant drills into an aquifer, which comes from groundwater. The plant never receives its supplies from surface water.”
Whoa, no wonder Matt doesn’t want to leave! 22 different wells AND an aquifer with NO SURFACE WATER?? No chance you are prying Matt away from that high-quality H2O.
2. Underground Music Scene
Sure, Ames doesn’t have the clubs and nightlife like other top party schools. It will never be mistaken for Austin, Texas; Baton Rouge, Louisiana; or Madison, Wisconsin. Hell, it might be worse than Bozeman, Montana. BUT it does have some of the best live music in the country.
Looking for a nice relaxing night with a little reggae music? Go check out STEELE JANTZ/STEEL DRUMZ. Trying to get a little crazy at the club? Local favorite the NIIN & NIANG Twins offer some of the best beats in the country. Or maybe you need a night of line dancing. Have no fear, The Dixie Chiziks will have your feet moving while they saw away at the fiddle. Anything you want, Ames can provide. Spend just one weekend there and you will know why Matt refuses to leave.
3. The Benches of Downtown Ames
You are probably asking yourself “WTF are the benches of downtown Ames??” and I have the answer for you. They are the single most important part of Ames culture. Google downtown Ames and click on images. AT LEAST 50% of the photos are pictures of painted benches. And you know who loves benches? MATT CAMPBELL. Need to send a message to a struggling player? PUT HIM ON A BENCH. Two members of the punt return team run into each other causing a catastrophic fumble that costs you a chance at finally beating your biggest rival? SIT THEM ON THE BENCH AND HAVE A CHAT. Struggling to beat an FCS team that has no business keeping the game close? SIT THE ENTIRE TEAM ON A BENCH.
Nothing better than a good bench, and Matt knows that. A good bench is hard to find...in most places. Not Ames though! It is going to take a special city to get him to leave those benches.
4. LOCATION
With the Big 12 quickly falling apart, which we can only assume Matt Campbell saw coming from 12 miles away because he is so much smarter than everyone else, he will surely be switching schools next season. No point in hanging around in the Big 12 as it slowly bleeds out. So, what does location have to do with him staying? Well, located just 3 hours and 23 minutes from Ames is a town that is experiencing some…stuff.
That town is Lincoln, Nebraska. Scott Frost’s seat continues to get hotter, especially after losing to BERT in the season opener. He will surely be gone by the end of the year, if not by next week. Lincoln is very similar to Ames. How do I know this? I live there. Matt will feel right at home, mainly because tornado sirens are constantly going off for no apparent reason. Mix that in with a long list of donors at Nebraska that will spend unlimited amounts of money on a coach and Lincoln is the perfect home.
5. World’s Largest Lawn Gnome
For dedicated Go Iowa Awesome readers, this one should come as no surprise. As highlighted in my 2019 article on The Top 5 Things to Do in Ames, Iowa, the World’s Largest Lawn Gnome sits at the top of the list. Located just steps from the football stadium, Matt Campbell loves to spend time at the gnome, talking over strategy, player issues, and life problems. It is rumored that when he was in talks with other schools about moving, the main contractual disagreement was over whether the Gnome could come with him.
Luckily for Matt, if he moves to Lincoln, he won’t have any issues finding a new statue to befriend. From a giant mammoth a few yards from the stadium to 4,000 statues of Tom Osborne, Lincoln really does seem like the perfect fit.
That is all the info I have, but if you have other information on why he stayed, please be sure to share it in the comments!
